Stereo-Typed 21 - Breaking the STI-gma
April is STD Awareness month. Jenelle Marie Pierce, founder of The STD Project, joins Camille to discuss STDs, STIs, stigma and stereotypes. http://www.thestdproject.com/
For more information on the episode and to enter the contest to win your own stuffed gonorrhoea microbe, visit http://www.stereo-typed.com/episode21/.
Stereo-Typed 20 - Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse and Assault
Don Wright, Founder and Executive Director of BC Society for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse, joined me to discuss some of the misconceptions surrounding sexual abuse of boys and men, including some of the causes of shame, confusion and guilt that may prevent someone from reporting their assault or seeking help. We also discussed the scarcity of programs that are dedicated to male survivors.
For more information, as well as links to the BCSMSSA website, visit http://www.stereo-typed.com/episode20/
Stereo-Typed 19 - Love Drugs
Ethicist Brian D. Earp joins us to talk about the medicalization of love - love drugs, as well as anti-love drugs. Is it possible? If so, should we?
For more information about the topic and guest, please visit http://www.stereo-typed.com/episode19/
Stereo-Typed 18 - What Is Love?
Is romantic love a biological function brought on by millennia of evolutionary change? Or, is it a product of social construction? Maybe it is a bit of both?
Carrie Jenkins, philosopher and professor at UBC will be joining AuntieSocial to have a metaphysical discussion about just what this romantic love thing is … and what it could be.
For more information about Carrie Jenkins and the topic of Episode 18, visit http://www.stereo-typed.com/episode18/
Stereo-Typed 17 - Sex, Depression and Relationships
Sex and depression are two taboo subjects. We need to talk about them, especially where they intersect.
Depression affects many of us. And, it could affect our sex lives in a variety of ways. If you have "sexual side effects" due to depression, know that you are not alone.
JoEllen Notte joins me to talk about her research into sex and depression. You can read more about her, including her writings about this topic on her award winning website, http://www.redheadbedhead.com/
For more information about this topic and JoEllen Notte, please visit http://www.stereo-typed.com/episode17/
Stereo-Typed 16 - Decoding Your Kink
I had the opportunity to speak with Galen Fous MTP (twice) about his book, Decoding Your Kink, and how to release your sexual creature from the bonds of shame and fear.
We had to abort the live broadcast due to internet issues. We connected again and recorded our discussion, which is available here.
You can read more about Galen Fous (and take his "Discovering your Personal Erotic Myth" survey) at http://www.galenfous.com/
A more extensive biography and show description is available at www.stereo-typed.com/episode16/
Thank you for your patience. Please visit the Stereo-Typed Patreon page at www.patreon.com/stereotyped/ to join my Sugar Daddy Collective.
Stereo-Typed 15 - Digisexuality
There's an app for that!
In this episode, we explore the intersection of advanced technology and sexual experience. We will discuss what is meant by "digisexuality" and what some of the potential implications are on how we relate to one another.
My guest is Dr. Neil McArthur, Ph.D., an Associate Professor of Philosophy and Director of the Centre for Professional and Applied Ethics, University of Manitoba.
For more information on the topic, please visit the episode page at http://www.stereo-typed.com/ep15/
If you like this show and want to support its ongoing development and research, please visit the campaign at http://www.patreon.com/stereotyped/
Stereo-Typed minicast - Politics
I received an email from someone advising me that I should not be talking about politics on social media because I am a "sex podcaster". I really do not understand that rationale. I am a human who is concerned with the political atmosphere around me, nationally and globally. I have every right to speak about politics. And, I have a platform available to me. I have never been apolitical. If they, as they say, have been following me on FetLife, they know full well that I write about politics. If they are a listener of this show, they know that politics is one of the areas that I will address and have addressed.
This is my call to action. Become active. Become involved. Let your voice be heard and stand against those who wish to restrict our rights and freedoms.
I mention some links in my political rant. Instead of listing them all here, I have added them to my "Statement on Politics" on the show's blog.
Stereo-Typed 14 - The Porn Genome Project
What is pornography? There is a lot of talk about its effects on individuals and society, but what exactly makes something pornographic?
In this episode, Dr. Taylor Kohut joins AuntieSocial to discuss the Porn Genome Project, which sets out to answer that question.
For additional information please visit:
Porn Genome Project on Indiegogo
Stereo-Typed on Patreon
Stereo-Typed 13 - The 4Cs of BDSM
In this episode, we will be having a philosophical discussion. We will talk about the existing negotiation frameworks, or mottos, and explore the 4C's, which I believe covers all of the areas that we, as BDSM practitioners, need to consider when negotiating BDSM play and relationships ... Caring, Communication, Consent and Caution.
Joining me is Emily Prior, one of the co-authors of the paper entitled "From "SSC" and "RACK" to the "4Cs": Introducing a new Framework for Negotiating BDSM Participation."
Emily Prior is the Executive Director of the Center for Positive Sexuality. Since 1996, she has been teaching formal and informal classes about a variety of sexuality-related topics, including BDSM lifestyle, Polyamory lifestyle, Gender, Introductory and Advanced Human Sexuality Courses for Psychology and Sociology departments at universities, Teen sexuality topics for Planned Parenthood Los Angeles and others. Emily has studied human sexuality and gender topics from a variety of perspectives, including Psychology, Sociology, and Anthropology.
Additional Information can be found at www.stereo-typed.com/ep-13/
Stereo-Typed 12 - Purposeful Pain
Full Title: Purposeful Pain: A Comparison of BDSM Participants and Individuals who Engage in Non-Suicidal Self-Injury
Anyone who engages in consensual masochism has probably encountered someone with the bias that those of us who enjoy receiving pain are actually engaging in self-harm by proxy, or that we are reenacting some sort of trauma from our past. This may be true for some people, but as a masochist who has a history of non-suicidal self-injury and childhood (physical) abuse, I know that what motivates me to engage in masochistic activities differs from why I engage in self-injury. I do not engage in BDSM because I am trying to overcome a past trauma, or harbour some latent desire to be abused.
I know that what I experience when I am cuffed to a cross is not the same as when I scratch (my NSSI behaviour of compulsion). My mental state is very different when I engage in either activity. However, the association between BDSM masochistic interest and non-suicidal self-injury exists and it is still something that I encounter in clinical settings, even with the recent changes to the Mental Health Bible.
As I said in Episode 10, it is important that we, BDSM practitioners, participate in studies so that our experiences become a part of the research that will bring understanding to the medical field. We need to be the voice behind the narrative of what we are all about. In this episode, I have the pleasure to speak with Dr. Markie Twist from the University of Wisconsin-Stout about the results of their recent survey entitled "Differences between BDSM Participants and Individuals who Engage in Non-Suicidal Self-Injury". Dr. Twist was a co-principal investigator of this study, which set out to
" …understand the similarities and differences between the motivations, relational experiences, childhood histories, and characteristics of individuals who engage in intense BDSM sensation play and those who do or have engaged in non-suicidal self-injury behaviour. Specifically, the research study aims to understand the reasons and motivations behind these behaviours, as well as the personality characteristics of those who engage in these behaviours." (from the Purpose and Background of the study)
Dr. Markie, and their team, presented the findings last month at The Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality Conference (SSSS2016) in Phoenix, Arizona. I am including a link to the presentation slides, for those who are interested in reading more.
During the show, we will be talking about what motivated Dr. Markie to research this topic, as well as the methodology used by the research team to demonstrate and evaluate the differences between consensual masochism and self-harm. Of course, we will also discuss the findings of the study, including how these groups (BDSM and NSSI) measured up against a normed group.
Markie Louise Christianson Twist, Ph.D., is the Program Coordinator of the Graduate Certificate in Sex Therapy Program, and Associate Professor in the Human Development and Family Studies Department and Marriage and Family Therapy Program at the University of Wisconsin-Stout. Dr. Twist is also an Affiliate of the Wisconsin HOPE (Harvesting Opportunities for Postsecondary Education) Lab at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Markie is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (IA, NV) and Mental Health Counselor (IA), American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy Clinical Fellow and Approved Supervisor, and an American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists Certified Sexuality Educator. Markie is co-author of the book, *The Couple and Family Technology Framework: Intimate Relationships in a Digital Age*, and has published over 50 articles, 10 book chapters, and presented over 150 times in various venues. Markie serves as the *Journal of Marital and Family Therapy* Virtual Issues Editor, and is an editorial board member for the *Journal of Feminist Family Therapy: An International Forum, Sexual and Relationship Therapy*, and the *Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy*. Dr. Twist’s research primarily focuses on: people whose sexual, gender, erotic, and relational orientations have been minoritized; professional mentoring and scholarly collaborative relationships; family and ecological sustainability; couple and family technology studies; and couple and family therapy technological practices.
Dr. Twists's Website: http://uwstout.academia.edu/MarkieTwist
SSSS2016 Presentation: http://tinyurl.com/zcssfw2
Stereo-Typed 11 - Give til it hurts
It sounds like the motto of a masochistic, service-oriented, submissive, doesn't it? And, it could very well be, but it isn't what we'll be talking about on Episode 11 of Stereo-typed. I'll be talking about charity … and to representatives of a charity that is well known on FetLife.
On Wednesday, November 30th, I will be talking to the co-founders of a registered charity that raises funds to support animal causes (our original furry friends), through innovative means, such as an on-line auction with kinky items donated by members of our local and on-line communities. For the purposes of this show, we will be calling them "Kinksters for Critters" (KfC) (more on that later). If you are a member of FetLife, you can visit their profile (in the links below).
Why am I doing an episode on KfC? What does that have to do with stereotypes or assumptions or anything else that is related to this show? Well, I can give you a number of reasons … and they might go as follows:
1.Our money is perceived as dirty, or less green, than non-kink, non-adult companies and/or organizations … banks and fundraisers are happy to take our money, as long as it isn't tainted with our sexual interests (i.e., we donate anonymously, or in the name of a "social club"). If you want more information about this, I would like to direct your attention to a writing/rant by phi-is-me (the link is down below).
2.There is a presumption that kinky people are all about sex, or kink, or sex and kink, but kink doesn't exist in a bubble. I have said that before, and I will, undoubtedly, say it again. As a kinky person, I have interests outside of kink. There are some people who believe that non-kinky subjects don't belong on FetLife, or a kink-centred radio show … but politics and charitable causes are a part of our lives, and as a kinky person, that means they are a part of my life.
3.I can talk about "Community in action" and that the success of the KfC auctions on FetLife is proof of what can be accomplished when we come together to work towards a common, and worthy, goal.
I can easily use any, or all, of these as a justification for why this topic fits into the show's focus … but they are just that, justifications. I could rant about the unjust views of kinksters in mainstream society, I could rave about the positive influence that Fetlebrity status and frequent trips to K&P can have on a cause, but I don't want to. I am, quite frankly, politic'd-out at the moment. Instead, I want to focus on the spirit of giving … the importance of charity and of helping those in need.
This is a charity that I have supported, and continue to support. It is a charity that was founded by kinksters, just like you and me, because they saw a need and wanted to do something good in this world. In the past, I have helped acquire items for their auction, I have promoted the organization, I have donated money to the cause. As Crazy_Heart has said in the past, this is my soapbox … and, if you will grant me the indulgence, I want to use it to raise awareness of Kinksters for Critters and their up-coming auction, which is filled with kinky products and services, some of which can only be found in the auction.
On November 30th, I will be joined by NaughtyHotty and liquiderotica, the co-founders of Kinksters for Critters.
Who knows, maybe Mr_Cocky will pop up for an appearance. Oh, wait, this is a radio show, and he is a silent-type, so you won't be able to see him if he does. Hey, a girl can dream about having more cocky in her life, can't she? But, seriously, if you scroll through the pictures on Mr. Cocky's profile on FetLife, you will see that
a) he is a huge supporter of the charity, and
b) dick pics can be creative and fun.
Of course, Crazy_Heart will be working away in the background in the "production booth" and she will likely be in the company of her new critter pal, Bubba.
We will be talking about the history of the organization, some of their success stories, and most importantly, how you can help make a difference in the lives of some critters who need some loving.
There is one thing that I need to make a note of … remember my justification #1? Well, that is real. For some reason a charitable organization that does great work outside of kink circles can be adversely affected if they are associated with adult activities. Because of this reality, we will not be using the actual name of the charity on the show (if you want that information, it is available on FetLife). Instead, we will be referring to it as "Kinksters For Critters". Remember, even though kink has become a mainstream topic, not everyone who is involved with kink can be out about it … and it is very important that we protect and maintain the vanilla appearance of the organization, because the work they do is vanilla.
And, as an added incentive to listen in on the episode, there will be a pair of Mr. Cocky mugs given to one lucky listener. Details of the contest will be posted on a separate entry. If you are joining us for the live broadcast, participating in the live chat could earn you a second ballot!
About Kinksters for Critters
A silent promise made to Ginger (a beloved cat) when he died and brought to reality with the help of some wonderful people.
KfC is the kink-related name for a small, grass-roots non-profit corporation that supports animal rescues, shelters, sanctuaries and foundations across the globe working to save the lives of needy critters.
Since its inception in 2014, the charity has raised over $95,000 and donated 100% of the proceeds to more than 200 animal charities worldwide. A feat attributed to the charity's amazing supporters.
While KfC's goal of helping animals is purely vanilla, their fundraising efforts aren't always. Featuring kink-related products and services from generous artisans, service providers, toymakers and more, a bi-annual auction is conducted on FetLife.
KfC's next auction begins December 9th at 8am PST and concludes December 11th at 2pm PST. All of the bidding is conducted online, which makes supporting a good cause, while gaining the opportunity to buy some pretty awesome merchandise, super easy. (The items that are up for bid in the auction can be seen by browsing the pictures on the charity's profile on FetLife).
Relevant Links: (there is more information available on the FetLife discussion thread)
•Kinksters for Critters: http://kinkstersforcritters.com/(Your source for Mr. Cocky mugs, because who doesn't want to have a little bit of cocky in the morning?)
•FetLife profile: https://fetlife.com/users/2847496 (requires membership on FetLife to view the contents)
•"Let Adults be Adult" by Oh, that Phi - https://ohthatphi.wordpress.com/2016/05/28/let-adults-be-adult-rant/ (Linked with permission)
•FetLife Discussion for this episode: https://fetlife.com/groups/144186/group_posts/10069515 - as noted above, we are keeping a wall between the kinky and vanilla activities of the organization - if you are a member of FetLife, you can find out more information there.
TPOK Radio is a live radio station for kinky people by kinky people. The title sponsor is The Church of Sinvention. Visit their site and enter the "TPOK10" code to receive a 10% discount. Please support them so they will continue to support us.
Stereo-Typed 10 - Dear Sydney University
NOTE: The audio file has been fixed. I rerecorded the missing piece and stitched them together.
If you have spent more than an hour, hell a few minutes, on an adult forum, such as FetLife, Adult Friend Finder, or even Fabswingers, you have seen the warning. One variation reads as follows:
> WARNING: To Sydney University and any other institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - YOU DO NOT have permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. (I suggest the rest of you post this notice.)
This *warning* has always given me a chuckle. In some cases, when there was very little else on a profile, seeing it there was enough to move my interest elsewhere. Mainly because it is a silly disclaimer that carries absolutely zero weight. I'm a curious sort. You probably know that about me. So ... I decided to try to find the origins of this boilerplate warning. You know, I wanted to find *Patient Zero* ... the study that started it all. In this case, *zero* is quite apt.
But, there is a lot more *wrong* than that ...
On Wednesday, November 16, I'm going to talk about this *warning*. I'm also going to talk about research. Why? Because I fucking love research. I love reading it, I love doing it, I love that it is actually being done ...
So *Sydney University* (which is actually USyd, by the way) and any other institution or individuals who are using this site for research projects, if you are listening, please study me ... just ask for my permission before you use anything that could identify me.
Some posts about the disclaimer:
Stereo-Typed 9 - Porn Wars
Porn Wars; or, The Politics of Porn
I have been thinking a lot about pornography lately. It isn't just the warm & wet-inducing thoughts. Sadly, I have fallen down a deep hole that is the Politics of Porn. It is hard not to when my social media feeds have been inundated with writings about "porn addiction" and "public health crisis" and the upcoming California vote on Prop 60.
I'm sure that I am not the only one who occasionally enjoys a bit of porn to get the juices flowing. But, to me, the adult entertainment industry is more than merely a graphic representation of sex for the purposes of causing arousal. Porn, both written and visual, helped me understand my interests. It gave me a sense that what I was feeling, that what I believed about myself wasn't all that unusual. It is art. It is sexual expression, and as such, I believe that it should be protected, just like any other form of expression or speech.
The porn industry has changed over the years, but one thing that it always did (whether it was intentional or not) was push the envelope on what is considered decent when it comes to sexual practices. The producers and performers have been front line advocates for sexual freedom. Many performers express a sense of sexual liberation because of the work they do … and we, the consumers, have benefitted from their work product.
How many people have struggled with their desires, not knowing how to open the dialogue with their partners, and have turned to watching a fetish flick to get the conversation started? (I have.)
How many couples have incorporated porn viewing into their sexual relationships to add some spice and variety? (I have.)
How many of us have produced our own (amateur) pornography to capture the excitement and all the feels of a special encounter, or the exploration of something new? (And, again, I have.)
There are a lot of benefits to pornography, for consumers and producers alike. The purported evils have been debunked, leaving only the moralistic objections.
In Episode 8: Dancing with your Shadow, Dr. Michael Aaron and I spoke about sexual shaming and the pathologizing of sexual desires. I can't think of any place where this is more apparent than pornography. Society (yes, a generalization) slut-shames those who are involved in manufacturing pornographic material, while consuming vast quantities of the product. Some legislative bodies, and medical professionals have also turned their attention towards shaming the consumer. "Porn Addiction" has not been added to the latest edition of the DSM. According to an article on the American Psychological Association website seems to suggest that it is not a legitimate diagnosis, even if porn viewing habits can cause difficulties in some relationships. Even so, there is a very lucrative industry that is ready and willing to treat the problem.
With all of this noise about porn, I wanted to talk about porn, and who better to have that conversation with legendary pornographer, Ernest Greene? Mr. Greene will be joining me on October 19th at 7pm eastern to talk about various aspects of the porn industry, including the changes he has seen during the course of his career. We will be chatting about the changes to the British Communication Act (which lists 13 acts that cannot be shown in Video on Demand productions), the idea that pornography is a public health crisis, and, with the US elections looming, we will certainly be talking about California's Prop 60 and why so many who are directly involved with pornography are against an initiative that claims to be looking out for performer health.
As my listeners know, one of the focuses of this show is to look at things from a different perspective. It is only logical that, while I have Mr. Greene on the show, we talk about his book, The Master of O. It is a retelling of Pauline Réage's The Story of O through the eyes of her Master.
Please join Mr. Ernest Greene and myself on October 19th. As always, you can listen live on Spreaker (and participate in the live chat), or you can download/stream the episode from the Spreaker and iTunes archives after the live airing.
Ernest Greene has served as Executive Editor of the best-selling adult magazine Hustler's Taboo since 1999 and most recently as Chief Associate Editor for Hustler's All-Sex issues.
Mr. Greene, who is particularly well known for his groundbreaking approach to the presentation of unconventional sexuality related to consensual domination and submission, has participated in the production of adult video for three decades as a performer, writer, director and producer. His body of work comprises over five hundred titles, including AVN award winners Strictly for Pleasure, Mask of Innocence, Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women and Jenna Loves Pain. With his wife, Nina Hartley, he has served as producer and director of the Nina Hartley's Guide series of adult sex education programs for video market leader Adam&Eve Pictures. The series has sold over three quarters of a million videos to date and now comprises forty titles. His own XXX features for Adam&Eve, O: The Power of Submission, Surrender of O, The Truth About O and The Perfect Secretary: Training Day have won multiple awards and are among the best selling X-rated story-driven titles in recent years.
You can read more about, and order your own copy of, The Master of O at Mr. Greene's website, MasterOfO.com http://www.masterofo.com/
Defending Pornography: goo.gl/eStXSm
Porn Addiction Article on APA site: goo.gl/S2brSq
Porn as "Public Health Crisis": goo.gl/bq9Fe4
UK's Audiovisual Media Services Regs 2014: goo.gl/VYI9EW
California's Proposition 60: goo.gl/Xj6GV8
Two Studies re: Accessibility of Porn & Sex Related Crimes:
The Pleasure is momentary …: goo.gl/5CINXv
Pornography, Public Acceptance and Sex Related Crime: goo.gl/7yVV0W
FetLife: Stereo-Typed or AuntieSocial
Stereo-Typed 8 - Dancing with your Shadow
Long Title: Dancing with your Shadow; Fantasy, Reality and points in between
In this episode, I am joined by Dr. Michael Aaron, author of the up-coming book, Modern Sexuality: The Truth About Sex and Relationships to talk about sexual fantasies and our shadow self.
This episode will be all about fantasies … where the hell do our sexual predilections come from? When and how do we bring some of them into reality? Or, should we should be actualizing that dark idea at all? We will discuss normativity, overcoming social shame and what the Mental Health Bible (The DSM 5) says about being a sick fucker.
We will also be talking about his up-coming book, which is due to hit bookstores on October 16th. (It is available for pre-order now).
I had the opportunity to read an ARC (Advance Reading Copy) of the book and I thoroughly enjoyed it. It explores the history of sexual oppression and the science of sexuality, with the goal of aiding his readers to overcome the shame that is often associated with having an alternative sexual identity. He blends scientific and anecdotal evidence in accessible (lay-person) language coupled with concrete, up-to-date, information to help readers open themselves to their authentic sexual selves.
Michael Aaron, Ph.D., LCSW, CST, is a nationally certified sex therapist and clinical sexologist, specializing in working with sexual minorities, alternative/kink/polyamory lifestyles, sex workers, discordant desire and infidelity in couples, sexual dysfunction and anxiety, gender and orientation confusion, and sexual compulsivity. He holds a PhD in Clinical Sexology from the American Academy of Clinical Sexologists, is certified as a Sex Therapist by the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) and is a Diplomate of the American Board of Sexology. He has been interviewed in numerous media outlets, online podcasts, and magazines, such as the New York Times, Wall St Journal, CNN, Reuters, Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Women’sHealth, Men’s Fitness and Vice.com. He is a member of the Advisory Board of Men’s Fitness Magazine. Dr. Aaron's upcoming book, Modern Sexuality: The Truth About Sex and Relationships, is scheduled to be released October 16, 2016.
You can read more about him at:
His website: Dr. Michael Aaron NYC
Psychology Today blog: Standard Deviations
His book, Modern Sexuality: The Truth About Sex and Relationships (ISBN-13: 978-1442253216), is available for pre-order at Amazon.
Stereo-Typed 7 - Crazy Hearts Journey to Trans
I interview Crazy Heart and talk about his decision to become trans and what the future might bring for her. Crazy Heart also goes by the female name of Brooklynn
Stereo-Typed 6 - Tell Me A Story
Imagine, if you will, that you are planning on having a scene with someone. What elements are you considering? Your toys? Your techniques? Where and when? Perhaps, you are contemplating adding psychological elements to your play. These are all important considerations, but they are merely the mechanics.
Tonight, I am joined by Anton Fulmen (Sharp|Edges on FetLife). Together, we will explore how you can craft a memorable experience by telling a story through your play. After all, it is called a scene for a reason.
Anton Fulmen is a kink and sexuality educator in the San Francisco Bay Area. He teaches human sexuality as a member of the San Francisco Sex Information training staff, is an officer of the Society of Janus, and leads workshops on D/s and consent. He is the author of The Heart of Dominance, a guide to practicing consensual dominance. He can be reached through FetLife, Facebook, or his blog, Consensual Dominance.
The Heart of Dominance (Facebook):
Consensual Dominance (blog):
The Heart of Dominance (book):
Stereo-Typed 5 - When People You Know Do Bad Things
This episode has nothing to do with BDSM. It was inspired by recent events involving individuals in the Toronto, Ontario and Edmonton, Alberta scenes, but there is nothing kinky about the allegations. The accusations are of a heinous abuse of power and exploitation of individuals who cannot consent. One thing that sets what we do apart from abuse is consent. So, if the allegations are true, kink isn't a factor.
While some may believe that this is an isolated matter, it is not. People want to believe that it cannot happen to them, in their communities, or involving people they know. I certainly never thought that anything of this magnitude would hit so close to home. But child pornography rings and gruesome murders aren't the only things that can shake our faith in humanity. Murder, rape, exploitation and abuse are all deeds that humans are capable of, and where there are humans, there is a chance that your life may be affected.
The details of the crime are not the subject matter of this episode. The guilt or innocence of the accused persons is also immaterial. What is pertinent is the feeling of betrayal and resultant self-doubt that comes in the wake of the news that someone who we trusted and respected could do something like this. What does this say about us? As a community, as a sub-culture, as human beings? In communities across the globe, we have had to come face to face with the reality that there are people who do bad things walking amongst us. In some cases, they operate on the fringes of our society, but sometimes, they ARE one of us. How could we not see them for what they are? How can we trust our own instincts and gut feelings about others when we welcomed and embraced someone who has been accused of monstrous acts?
Dr. Laura Coleman (aka a_wild_woman on FetLife) is retired from private practice as a Marriage, Family and Child Therapist, Board Certified Counsellor and Certified Clinical Mental Health Counsellor. She now works in her secure online office as a Life Coach, Life Skills Educator and Certified Hypnotist. As a therapist, she specialized in the therapeutic treatment of adults and children who experienced abuse and/or traumatic life events. She developed an out patient treatment program for adults who were abused as children and successfully ran this program for many years.
After retirement, Dr. Coleman has become a prolific writer on topics such as trauma recovery, BDSM safety, protecting yourself from predators, personal growth, self esteem, changing your personal patterns, and improving your relationships. Her writings can be found on FetLife and on her websites (linked below). She has presented at her local dungeon, *The Mark*, on topics such as identifying predators and learning to say “no”. As an educator, she led many discussions for *The Mark*’s Kinky Roundtable and presented at a local MAsT group meeting.
Episode Discussion (FetLife): https://fetlife.com/groups/144186/group_posts/9656606
Dr. Laura Hypnosis & Life Coaching: https://drlaurahypnosisandlifecoaching.wordpress.com
Relevant reading/resources (all of these are also available at Stereo-Typed.com)
How to Help When Your BDSM Community Has an Abuse Crisis:
Finding Appropriate-For-You Mental Health Care:
How to Decide if You Need Counseling after a Trauma:
Believing in Monsters:
Stereo-Typed 4 - Getting Real
I first discovered Justin when his blog was showcased as the sex blogger of the month for June 2016 by Kinkly.com (they have also showcased The People of Kink as a top sex podcast). The first post that caught my eye was the video log shown below. If you watch it, you will immediately understand why I wanted to get to know him … and why I think you should get to know him as well.
Justin is a blogger/vlogger (from the UK) on all things related to sex. He is also a writer of smut (something I know a thing or two about). We will be talking about how to do "real BDSM", how he got into blogging/vlogging, and that dirty job that someone has to do … sex toy reviews. We will also talk about why he started recording what he knows about sex.
You can find his posts, videos and reviews on his website: http://www.justindecerous.com/
Stereo-Typed 3 - Grab Bag - Events
Listeners in the Ontario kink scene are probably aware that this past weekend was one of our major camping events. I returned home late yesterday afternoon and am experiencing what I call "camp brain" (That feeling when you forgot to bring your mental faculties home after vacation). This week's episode is going to be a little bit different … more laid-back, less research-based.
I am going to call this "Grab Bag". A few loosely connected topics, strung together in a conversational format. And what better topic to start with than kinky camping?
I will be joined by PreacherBear and have told Crazy_Heart he can chime in if/when he wishes. We will be talking about various aspects of kink events, including the pros & cons, as well as some of the unsexy behind the scene considerations that organizers need to address in order to put on those lovely nights of kink and debauchery. Oh, and those pesky rules … why do we need all those freedom limiting rules?
Stereo-Typed 2 - The N Word
It probably isn't the one you are thinking. There is a new n-word that has risen through the ranks to be the ultimate slur … narcissist. But, is being narcissistic really the evil that it is portrayed to be? Are we really experiencing a Narcissism Epidemic, as some have asserted? Or, is narcissism, like many other psychological terms, simply misunderstood?
The vilification of narcissism has been in the works for several decades and has now reached the point where it is the accusation of choice. If someone promotes their ideas, or themselves, they are a narcissist. If they feel that they are special, they are a narcissist.
I had been planning on doing an episode on narcissism and selfishness later, but in light of recent allegations against Crazy Heart (I know, he wants the topic dropped, but I feel that it needs to be discussed), I decided to move it forward.
On July 27th, please join me live at 7 pm eastern (UTC-5) to discuss the following:
History of narcissism in psychoanalytical thought (From Freud, Kohut, Kernberg, to the modern idea that we are in a Narcissism Epidemic)
The myth of Narcissus and Echo (huh? Did you forget about Echo? That is actually apt, according to legend)
The need (or drive) to feel special
The narcissism spectrum
Selfishness, selflessness and servitude
The hypocritical views, or double standards, of egotism and service, from my observations on social media, and to some extent, within our local communities.
The need for assertive language, which is dependant on expression of one's self (I feel, I need, I want), in order to maintain healthy relationships and communicate effectively.
For this episode, I will be drawing primarily from two sources, as well as a variety of other resources:
Malkin, C. (n.d.), Rethinking narcissism: The bad - and surprising good - about feeling special.
Select essays from Rand, A., & Branden, N. (1964). The virtue of selfishness, a new concept of egoism. New York: New American Library.
Stereo-Typed 1- I believe
Our beliefs dictate our experience in the world. They underpin our morals and ethics. They determine how we interact with others. And, they contribute to how we perceive our reality.
Stereo-Typed will be all about exploring and challenging beliefs. The things we believe about ourselves, what others believe about us and what we believe about other kinksters.
In the inaugural episode, I will be sharing some of my thoughts on beliefs. Not specific beliefs, but the actual beast that is belief.
How do we come to believe something?
How do our beliefs affect our reality?
And, why is it necessary to challenge the validity of the things we have accepted to be truth?
I'll also be discussing my observation that the fetish lifestyle, especially as it is presented on FetLife, has strong similarities to indoctrination which isn't strictly confined to organized religion.