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Dedicated to anyone who has experienced retail hell.

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Podcast Episode's:
WTR Episode 8: Boss Light Sucks
<p>So what do you do when your cohost sends you money to buy beer? You buy that beer and drink it on air damn it! So as TRB subjects his palette to yet another skanky brew, Heather D sits back and downs a little sparkling white wine (replay that scene with Nicolas Cage in "The Rock" for a full description). As always, we laugh, we curse, and we have a lot of fun bringing you this week's episode of Welcome to Rantyville!</p> <p>We also discuss - Dear Abby - Tales From the Uber - HD's birfday - Silvia - and more!</p> <p>Social Shit -</p> <p>Heather D - @IB4ECeptAfterC</p> <p>TRB - @TheRantyBastard</p> <p>Get that Couch Party app to check out all the show's across our network, including the return of Dr. Penrose Eames (@PenroseEames) and our best buds at Miserable Retail Slave (@MRetailSlave)</p>
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WTR Episode 7: Special Guest Tyler Daniels
<p>Welcome back to Rantyville! On this episode, TRB and Heather D are joined by comedian (and superfan) Tyler Daniels as we discuss the events of the past week, and get a taste of Tyler and TRB's comedic stylings in a new "Stand Up Battle" (except we were both sitting down, but who's keeping score?). More fun topics include -</p> <p>Fish assholes - Cheap beer - Heather's birthday - Tales From the Uber - Dear Abby - and more!</p> <p>Check out our artist of the week, Circuit Static, on Twitter (@circuitstatic) and his website (circuitstatic.com).</p> <p>Contact these fools -</p> <p>Heather - @IB4ECeptAfterC</p> <p>TRB - @TheRantyBastard</p> <p>Lots of #couchpartycrew references in this episode, so get on that app in the Google Play Store so you can check them all out!</p>
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WTR Episode 6: We're All Over The Place
<p>Welcome back to Rantyville! It's time for another glimpse into the lives of TRB and Heather D, as we discuss everything from drinking to heinous things done with a super soaker (stick around for THAT story). We laugh, Heather drinks, and then we discuss -</p> <p>Dear Abby - The swinger in the dress - TRB's 4th of July past - Heather rants - TRB was such a douchebag as a teen - Best/Worst - and more!</p> <p>Check out that Couch Party app for all of your favorite podcasts in one place. It's also a great way to catch the return of the good Dr. Penrose Eames and his amazing show, Penrose Vs. Anybody! Download it now for FREE in the Google Play Store!</p>
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WTR Episode 5: Bloodka & Svedka
<p>We talk, we drink, we laugh, we forget what we discussed. It seems to be a winning formula here in Rantyville, so that's exactly what we're going to do. TRB and Heather D are back to bring you another episode, and hope you enjoy it as we crash off the rails repeatedly. This week's fun topics include -</p> <p>That Carmax Guy - Tales from the Uber - The Kitty Kidnapper - A whole lot of shit we did not plan - Best/Worst - and more!</p> <p>This week's artist of the week is no longer a band (Whoops)! But you can still check out "On An On" via that Youtube.com thing.</p> <p>Stalk Us -</p> <p>TRB @TheRantyBastard    Heather D @IB4ECeptAfterC</p> <p>Who is this Matty F guy they talk about? Why he's a fellow member of the Couch Party Crew! Find him on the CP app on the Google Play Store, and follow his dive into fatherhood on Twitter (@Murdock7X4). Congrats Matt!</p>
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WTR Episode 4: Glenlivet For The Win
<p>It's time for another fun filled episode with your two favorite residents of Rantyville! TRB and Heather D cover a lot this week, so here's just a quick list-</p> <p>The 4th of July - Dear Abby - Ranting about the gym - Tales from the Uber - Best/Worst - and more!</p> <p>Check out our artist of the week on Soundcloud - The Girl In The Yellow Dress. (She sings lullabies to Heather D when the room starts spinning, and she has a great voice)</p> <p>Hit us up on the Twitter with your 2 words, and leave us a 5 star review on that iTunes! And check out our official sponsor, retailanonymous.com!</p> <p>Social Things</p> <p>TRB - @TheRantyBastard  Heather D - @IB4ECeptAfterC</p>
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WTR Episode 3: When Heather D Met TRB
<p>The Fourth of July is a time for fun with family and friends, which is exactly what we did! So instead of recording, we watched explosions in the air and drank beer until we were on the floor. So in an effort to get you to know Heather D better, Welcome to Rantyville brings you HD's first appearance on the former Retail Rant. She is joined by Mrs. TRB as they discuss motherhood, crazy kids, and the even crazier people that always want to cop a feel on a pregger's belly. Back at it with a new show next week, so enjoy this one as we all meet Heather D for the first time (again).</p> <p>And don't forget to send us your 2 words for Best/Worst, and your five-star iTunes reviews!</p> <p>The Social Credits</p> <p>TRB - @therantybastard</p> <p>Heather - @IB4ECeptAfterC</p>
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WTR Episode 2: Little Party Boy
<p>Hey there boys and girls! You didn't hate the pilot episode, so TRB and Heather D are back for another edition of Welcome to Rantyville! This week we talk more Ubering w/ TRB, "authentic" restaurants, Heather's bad decision of the week, Best/Worst and more! And remember, if you enjoy the show, rate and subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, or whatever source you infect your earholes with!</p> <p>Need an easy, affordable way to listen to this show and the rest of the Couch Party Crew? Check out that FREE Couch Party app in the Google Play Store!</p>
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WTR Episode 1: Pilot
<p>Welcome to the pilot episode of Welcome to Rantyville with TRB and Heather D. Taking the place of The Retail Rant on the Couch Party network, it's a weekly look into the daily lives of our hosts.</p> <p>We're just riffing along on this one with minimal show prep, but if you enjoyed The Retail Rant, this one will pick you right back up where it left off. Less retail, more life. Enjoy!</p>
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The Ear Infection Conundrum
<p>S2E5: It's finally warming up in most of the country, which means one thing. Customers handing us things from their sweaty nether regions is about to become a thing again. And just when you thought perspiration soaked money from socks and boobs was the worst we would face, TRB bore witness to something far more disgusting. So pop in those earbuds and grab a barf bag, because this one will trigger your upchuck reflex. And if you've ever wondered if the employees at a pizza place get pizza parties as a reward, Ranty has the answer for you. Mix in a few more tales of retail fuckery, and you have this week's episode of The Retail Rant Podcast! So kick back, relax, and as always, make sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!</p> <p>The Ranty Hotline is open! Call 810-373-9790, release some retail rage, and get it played on the show!</p> <p>Couch Party App. Google Play Store. Do it. DO IT NOW!</p>
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Fan Takeover! (ft. Sean William Brown, Mike Bookseller, and Retail Side Eye)
<p>TRB gets to relax a bit as three good friends of the show grab the reins this week in Season 2's first fan takeover. Sean William Brown and Mike Bookseller start us off with their top five things they actually like about retail, and TRB jumps in with Retail Side Eye to double the fun towards the end. Here's just a sample of what you'll hear about in Season 2, Episode 3 - Seafood hide and seek/creepy basements/dumb shit that corporate sends/things thrown at TRB/Rostered On/discount candy/bad crabcakes/Fios dies</p> <p>Support the guys and pick up a copy of Sean's literary masterpieces "Dear Customer" and "Walmart: I Don't Belong Here", check out Mike's artistic stylings at krrobar.com, as well as their joint venture, thesku.org. And get over to facebook.com/retailcomicbook to support our good friend Steven Petrivelli by picking up a copy of RETAIL, now available for pre-order!</p> <p>And be sure to check out the entire #CouchPartyCrew on the award winning Couch Party app from the Google Play Store! 100's of episodes, 10 great podcasts, all in 1 FREE app!</p>
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Crossed Signals
<p>Season 2 continues with the return of an awesome guest, Retail Hades! Check it out as Ranty and Hades team up to talk about more fuckery in cellular sales, and a #dearcustomer moment that will have you tearing up (from laughter, we're not real sensitive around here). Tales of retail past, idiots of retail present, and what you can expect in the future, all rolled into one episode! So pull out those earphones and fill out some more job applications as TRB and Hades help you through yet another #FucktardFriday in retail hell! And as always, make sure you;re wearing someone else's nametag!</p> <p>The Social Stuff</p> <p>Hades - @Retail_Hades    His better half - @Pharmacy_Hades</p> <p>TRB - @The_Retail_Rant</p> <p>Support the best crew in podcasting today by downloading the Couch Party app for your Android device! It's the best way to listen to 10 amazing podcasts in just one click of the finger. Perfectly priced for the underpaid retail employee - IT'S FREE! So go grab it now from the Google Play Store!</p>
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The Best Worst Job You'll Ever Have
<p>Season 2 is here! And who better to kick it off with than the creative mind behind the Retail comic book, Steven Petrivelli! Steven and TRB discuss what drives them to create their content, share stories from retail hell, and talk about what the reader can expect from this amazing comic. And despite their mutual hatred of working behind a cash register, you'll hear about some of the (few) good things that can come from being a corporate number. So plug in those earbuds, drown out the rest of the break room, and enjoy the season premiere of The Retail Rant Podcast!</p> <p>The social stuff</p> <p>Steven Petrivelli - @Steve_Petro / facebook.com/retailcomicbook</p> <p>TRB - @The_Retail_Rant</p> <p>Powered by the Couch Party app for Android devices. Don't have it yet? Why the hell not?!?! Get to the Google Play Store and download it now - IT'S FREE! AND AWESOME!</p>
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Ranty Rises
<p>It's been too long my friends, but don't fret. Ranty has returned. Despite a brief hiatus (not of my own choosing), TRB is back to heal the wounds of retail hell. Listen in as Ranty discusses what happened, how it went down, and why he's not all that mad about it (still kinda pissed, but not really). And then it's back to destroying retail and all it's fuckery. It's also a perfect time to bring a close to season 1 and get ready to bring you season 2, packed with customer fuckery and corporate idiocy. So kick back and enjoy the season finale (NOT a series finale, relax)!</p> <p>And be sure to check out the dopest crew in podcasting, the Couch Party crew! Check all these great shows out on our Android app, and drop some 5-star love over on iTunes!</p> <p>Couch Party  -  Miserable Retail Slave  -  Doom and The Beast  -  Jake and Tom Conquer the World  -  Let Me Tell Ya  -  Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics  -  Penrose vs. Anybody  -  The Nerd Rage Podcast  -  The Mixed Feelings Podcast (who also has an amazing YouTube channel - check it out!)</p>
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Serving With Sol
<p>Well it's time to drop another throwback episode of the show this week, and what better way to do it than by bringing you the first ever guest on The Retail Rant. Joined by Sol (@_seasun), TRB finds out what it's like to be a server again after being out of the game for over 15 years. Whether it's the "Diet Coke" response to "Hi, I'm...", the ridiculous perceptions of what they saw on TV versus the food in front of them, or just general assholishness, waiting tables still sucks. And your Fuck You Notes get the "live commentary" treatment this week too! So kick back and enjoy this classic episode with your favorite drink, or just catch it in 15 minute segments on your breaks. Be certain to wear those earbuds, but most importantly, make sure you're wearing someone else's fucking nametag!</p>
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TRBTalk - Is Your Mall Dying?
<p>In the second TRBtalk of 2017, TRB sits down to discuss a piece of American culture that is slowly working itself into oblivion. The shopping mall. We all have them in our towns, and it was probably a piece of your teenage years growing up. Meeting someone there on a Friday night, taking them there for the first date on Saturday, or maybe even (gasp) shopping, we've all got at least one mall memory. And whether it's a good or bad memory, it's a part of our youth thats engrained forever.</p> <p>But now we've "grown up", and gotten a job at the mall as we try to afford all the things that adult life necessitates. But something is amiss. This isn't the mall we know and love. It's merely a shell of it's former self. Why is that? Well kick back with a cold one as TRB explains why the American shopping mall is dying, and why it may be time for you to fire up that escape pod.</p>
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The Kick Heard Round the World
<p>Yet another week of retail hell is in the books, and TRB is here to tell you all about it. Hopefully it's a cathartic thing for you, because this week we are dredging up some of the worst of TRB's last month behind the cash register. It all starts with a meeting (see #rantytweetsameeting for reference), followed up by a woman who deserves a dropkick, and sprinkled with some customer douchebaggery for good measure. So whether you're paying your way through college as a cashier, or stuck in middle management with no end in sight, this show is for you. Because let's be honest, there's a little bit of The Ranty Bastard in all of us!</p> <p>Not enough TRB for ya? Check out the latest appearances of TRB with the #CouchPartyCrew on the totally FREE Couch Party App for Android! Talking RetroPie and wrestling with HAB of Couch Party, or the first in "studio" appearance on Penrose Vs. Anybody with the great Penrose Eames, it's been an exciting month for TRB!</p> <p>Social Creds</p> <p>TRB @The_Retail_Rant            The Ranty Hotline - 810-373-9790</p> <p>HAB @Couch_Party</p> <p>Penrose @PenroseEames</p>
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Darth Mall Walker
<p>Welcome back to another week of retail fuckery! It's been a while since we've checked in on the mall scene, and this week's guest gives us some insight to where this former institution is headed. So Ranty is joined this week by yet another amazing guest, Heather D., to discuss just that. You'll hear about the uber competitive mall walkers, the creepers at the window and how to shame them, along with why Heather feels like she is working in the underbelly of a dying beast. See that the struggle to escape retail is even more difficult when you can start to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. But it's not all doom and gloom, so kick back and enjoy another great guest appearance on The Retail Rant!</p> <p>The Social Things</p> <p>Heather - @IB4ECeptAfterC</p> <p>Ranty - @The_Retail_Rant</p> <p>Did #dearcustomer give you an anonymous 1 star review? Boss forced you to accept an expired coupon from 2013? Corporate fucking up your day with conference calls? Well don't hold in the rage my friends! Call the Ranty Hotline at 810-373-9790 and let those frustrations go! Get them played on the show, as well as any topics you want covered on a future episode! Drunk dials totally encouraged!</p>
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TRB Meets Dr. Penrose
<p>Time to enjoy one of the greatest guests to join The Retail Rant! After much rescheduling, TRB is FINALLY joined in studio by the host of Penrose Vs. Anybody (and fellow Couch Party member), Dr. Penrose Eames!!! We talk about his show, some retail, Penrose says what everybody feels about Wal-Mart, TRB reminds everyone that they are just a number to corporate, B-Dubs wings are lame, and much more! This is by far one of the funniest, laugh out loud episodes of the show, so maybe the break room isn't the best spot to listen (unless you like those crazy looks from co-workers). But it's served up perfectly at home with your favorite adult beverage!</p> <p>The Social Stuff</p> <p>Penrose - @PenroseEames (the name changes every 6 minutes, so just use the @)</p> <p>TRB - @The_Retail_Rant</p> <p>Find both shows and many more on the totally awesome, 100% FREE Couch Party app for Android! The best collection of shows in one simple click, including all these great shows - Miserable Retail Slave, Couch Party, Jake and Tom Conquer the World, Nerd Rage, Mixed Feelings, Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics, and Let Me Tell Ya! Download it now!</p>
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A TRBtalk - Retail Tech
<p>It's easy to have a good laugh when talking about customers and corporate. We've done if for the last year and a half together. But this week, TRB is throwing you a curveball. What, no customer fuckery? No corporate monkeys bombing your inbox? Not this week friend. It's time to take a look into the future of retail. It's time for TRB to rip off "TEDtalks", and make you think about your own future in retail hell. 2017 will be a big year for the evolution of retail technology, and we need to give it some serious thought. Could an app replace you? Will e-commerce cost me my job? How will the success or failure of Amazon Go impact MY job in 10 years?</p> <p>In an era where trends and data are valued more than employee experience, you have to look at the total picture. And that's what this first episode in the series of TRBtalks is intended to do. We will look into a time not too far away, and be forced to ask ourselves, "Is my time in retail almost up?". And for many of us, the time is drawing near. But do we realize it? Are we aware of the things happening behind the scenes that could cost us our paycheck? If you aren't, then please pay close attention to this episode. Questions will be asked, but only you have the right answers.</p>
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Blizzarding Idiots
<p>Yup, it snowed this week. And as expected, everyone from the district manager to the customers lost their damn minds. And who better to dissect their idiocy than TRB! Featuring the classic snowstorm phone calls ("Are you open?", "Are you coming in?"), the moron who wants an employee to come shovel their driveway, DMs who say "the roads aren't THAT bad", a few Fuck You Notes, and unispiring inspirational quotes, this weeks episode has it all! So grab a cold beer (or enjoy your leftover bread and milk), kick back and relax, as The Ranty Bastard discusses and destroys this week in retail hell!</p> <p>Check out our sponsor, dickatyourdoor.com! Chocolate dicks have been flying across the country as people send the love/hate to that "special" person in their lives. And when you use promo code "couch" at checkout, you'll get the handwritten note upgrade for free! So express yourself with the gift of dick, and hopefully you're around when they literally "eat a dick".</p> <p>Drop a 5-star iTunes review for The Retail Rant, as well as the rest of the #couchpartycrew. And download that Couch Party app for your Android device to get nine of the best independent podcasts out there. It's FREE and totally AWESOME!</p>
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When The Going Gets Tough...
<p>Hey there boys and girls, Ranty's back! After a brief Christmas hiatus, TRB has returned to what he does best - spreading the retail hate! After a quick recap of the shit show known as 2016, it's back to ranting and raving on this episode. Corporate, customers, apps and coupons will never be safe once The Ranty Bastard gets a hold of them! So kick back, relax, enjoy a well deserved drink, and throw on someone else's nametag!</p> <p>Sponsors rule! Especially when they send out chocolate dicks to both friend and foe! So check out dickatyourdoor.com, and use the promo code "COUCH" to get a free handwritten note upgrade to go along with the "Eat a dick" message insode that beautiful box!</p> <p>Haven't downloaded the Couch Party app yet? Well get your ass to the Google Play Store and get it on your Android device fo FREE! Nine of the best independent podcasts all in one tap of the finger! Did I mention it's FREE?!?!?!</p>
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Loyalty Schmoyalty
<p>Merry Christmas to all my retail brethren! It's break time for TRB, which means it's time to dig into the vault and bring you one of the very first episodes! Forgive the audio, as this was originally the fifth episode of the show, in a time where production, editing and decent mics didn't exist. But the ranting was just as strong as ever! In this classic rewind, you'll hear about the hatred of a loyalty card, speakerphone assholes, haggling hags and more! So take a break yourself, crack open a cold beer (or a warm one, who am I to judge?!), and take a trip down memory lane with The Ranty Bastard. And here's to hoping that we all get what we want for Christmas - someone else's nametag!</p>
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Mrs. Ranty's Fuck You Notes
<p>I uploaded the wrong Fuck You Notes last night, so enjoy this quick little standalone episode featuring Mrs. Ranty and lots of fuck yous!</p>
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Retailasaurus Rex
<p>Closing out 2016 this week, TRB is joined by the mastermind behind retailanonymous.com, Rex! Of course he's wearing someone else's nametag, but the stories are real. We discuss the three C's that suck a retail workers soul dry (customers, coupons, and corporate), recount some tales that have been submitted to the site, retailanonymous.com itself, and get the scoop on why Rex was recently fired. And there's a special surprise at the end, as we learn what the first thing Rex did after his termination! So strap in, grab your favorite beverage, and prepare to have TRB and Rex invade your ear spaces with retail fuckery, all while wearing someone else's nametag!</p> <p>Big thanks to our sponsor, dickatyourdoor.com - the perfect gag (literally?) gift for that "special" someone in your life. And when you use the promo code "couch" at checkout, you now get TWO bonuses! Not only can you add the handwritten, personalized note for free, but you can also receive a festive holiday box to house that chocolate dong delicacy. So get to dickatyourdoor.com and sling that dick! Because @DickAtYourDoor guarantees that it will melt in their mouth, not in their mailbox!</p> <p>All things social!</p> <p>Rex - @retailblogsite, retailanonymous.com</p> <p>TRB - @The_Retail_Rant</p> <p>Need a last minute gift? Broke as hell? Well give your friends the power of podcasts by having them download the Couch Party app for Android! A one stop shop for nine of the best independent podcasts, packed with hours of content! and it's all FREE!</p> <p>Get it here!</p> <p><a href= "https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.andromo.dev480026.app437481&hl=en"> https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.andromo.dev480026.app437481&hl=en</a></p> <p> </p>
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Sean And Jeremy Rule The Rant
<p>You asked for it, and boy are you going to get it! That's right, Sean William Brown takes over The Retail Rant Podcast this week, and brings along his old LP buddy, Jeremy Blake. We get stories that didn't make the cut in Sean's last book, tales from the LP office, the show's first ever "Eiffel Tower" reference and much, much more. It's a good time (with some occasional phone issues, so please forgive us) as the guys give us a glimpse into the loss prevention life, which isn't always about catching shoplifters. Kick back and enjoy!</p> <p>Do that social shit!!!</p> <p>Sean - @SWilliamBrown33</p> <p>Jeremy - who the fuck knows? The guy refuses to tweet!</p> <p>And remember that there's more than one way to support this show as well as the entire Couch Party Crew! Download our Android app for all the best content for FREE, then drop off some 5-star reviews under the Christmas tree for us to unwrap! And if you want to have someone open up a very special gift this holiday season, be sure to visit our sponsor - dickatyourdoor.com! Sling that chocolate dick anonymously to someone that truly needs to "eat a dick"! And use promo code COUCH to add a personalized, handwritten note to really get your point across!</p>
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The Fire of Hades
<p>Another Black Friday under our belts, and another episode of The Retail Rant podcast to help with your retail PTSD. TRB is joined this week by a new friend of the show, sharing his trials and tribulations of the retail universe. Listen in as @Retail_Hades shares tales of cell phone horrors, things that can't be unseen, and the never ending asshole nature of the customer! Throw in a few Fuck You Notes (I love the wild boar one, and you will do), and some anonymous dicks being delivered across the country, and this show has everything a growing retail slave needs!</p> <p>Do the social thing, and follow TRB's guest on Twiter - @Retail_Hades</p> <p>So hey, if that Galaxy S7 didn't set you on fire yet, be sure to download the Couch Party app from the Google Play Store! Get nine of the best independent podcasts available in one handy click on your Android device. and the best part? IT'S FREE!!</p> <p>And be sure to get your orders in to dickatyourdoor.com so you can finally tell that dickhead district manager or corporate ass monkey to "eat a dick" in style! Presented in a box with a bow and the "eat a dick" message emblazoned on the inside, this 1 lb. chocolate dong is shipped anonymously to your nemesis! And when you use the promo code "Couch", you get a free, personalized, handwritten note to help drive home the point that they need more dick in their diet! Give that prick a dick!</p>
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Dicks Galore
<p>What an accurate name for a Black Friday show! But instead of talking about the deal seeking dicks that are surrounding us today, TRB wants to make you laugh and forget that misery. And how will he accomplish that? By bringing back two guests who make dicks their business! Returning to The Retail Rant, Laine and Muse are bringing laughter, dick jokes, and some cringe inducing DVD titles this week to help you forget about the shitty shifts you're working this weekend. Along with some retail stories that will make you say "Maybe my job isn't THAT bad", this isn't your typical Retail Rant!</p> <p>Do the social thing!</p> <p>Laine - @sexstorewoes</p> <p>Muse - @MusingsInRetail</p> <p>And support our sponsor by exacting your revenge with a phallic treat from dickatyourdoor.com! They'll anonymously mail your sworn enemies an overly detailed chocolate dick with a box, a bow, and that "eat a dick" you've been suppressing for years. And when you use promo code "Couch", they'll throw in a free handwritten note with your personalized message! So get to dickatyourdoor.com, follow them on Twitter (@DickAtYourDoor) and make that one person you can't stand eat a dick!</p> <p> </p>
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Surviving the Fuckery
<p>BONUS EPISODE!!! TRB here, and I just wanted to pop in real quick and offer some survival tips to all of the unfortunate souls stuck working on Thanksgiving and Black Friday. A little teaser for Friday's episode, and some things to help you get through the two shittiest days of the year in retail hell (yes, worse than inventory day). Stock up on chili and Monster, listen in and you'll see why!</p> <p>So make sure you've got someone else's nametag ready to go, and a very happy Thanksgiving to all of you sharing the misery of retail with me.</p>
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Black Thursday Lives Matter
<p>Well, it's that time of the year again. And not that "most wonderful time of the year" you're already hearing twenty times a day. We are one week away from the worst day in retail hell, Black Friday. But that's not good enough any more. Now we have Black Thursday, which is even worse. Listen in as TRB dispenses the hate for companies that value profits over employees having time with families, and the disdain for the upper management that makes these shit ass decisions. Of course there's customers to bash as well, and it's all on this week's episode of The Retail Rant!</p> <p>Got a shitty boss or a coworker you hate? Always wanted to tell them to eat a dick, but feared the repercussions? Well now, you can finally strike back with dickatyourdoor.com! You can ANONYMOUSLY send them a lovely 6" chocolate dick in a box and encourage them to finally eat that dick! They will never know who sent it (unless you slip up, so don't dummy), and have the pleasure of knowing that you were finally able to offer them that dick to chow down on. And when you use the SPECIAL PROMO CODE "Couch", the team at Dick At Your Door will include a FREE handwritten note so you can say whatever you want!</p> <p>Sponsor site - dickatyourdoor.com</p> <p>Sponsor Twitter - @dickatyourdoor</p> <p>The Ranty Bastard - @The_Retail_Rant</p>
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The Laine and Trey Takeover!
<p>Wow! 75 episodes and still going strong. And none of this would be possible without you, the fans. Thanks so much for listening and subscribing over the last year and a half. So to celebrate this milestone, TRB has decided to turn this #FucktardFriday into a #FanTakeoverFriday. Taking the show over this week are two great guest hosts, Trey (@ObservingRetail) and Laine (@sexstorewoes). Listen in as they talk about their experiences in retail, the idiot customers they get to deal with, and the unrealistic expectations of the shopper as they search for the ultimate dildo.</p> <p>Do you want to take over a future episode of The Retail Rant? Let TRB know via Twitter (@The_Retail_Rant), and we'll see if you can fill Ranty's shoes as well as these two do! And don't forget to check out the rest of the #CouchPartyCrew on the Couch Party app (FREE in the Google Play Store)., which now includes last week's guest , Matt from the Let Me Tell Ya podcast!</p> <p>Check out Tre's website, observationsinretail.com, for tales of the shopper in the wild, and some of the best retail comics you'll find! And if that's not enough, be sure to check out theSKU.org by Sean William Brown and Mike Bookseller as well!</p> <p>So it's time to kick back, relax, grab a cold one, leave a 5-star review for The Retail Rant on iTunes, but most importantly, do us all one big favor and make sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!</p>
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Mopping With Matt
<p>Can't get enough of one maniac ranting about retail hell? Well how about two! So this week TRB is joined by Matt from the Let Me Tell Ya podcast, where they discuss wrestling, and more importantly, their utter disdain for retail hell. Serving up some of his own tales from the register, Matt talks about how to properly give change to a bitchy woman, how mopping is great for avoiding customers, and the dumb shit coming from their mouths in an unoriginal loop. TRB of course throws in his take, and a great episode unfolds for your weekly therapy session.</p> <p>So kick back, crack a cold one, leave Matt and TRB some iTunes love (Matt insists they be 5-stars), and most importantly, do us all one big favor, and make sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!</p> <p>Do the Twitter thing!</p> <p>Matt - @Murdock7x4</p> <p>Grant - @grantthegreat4</p> <p>TRB - @The_Retail_Rant</p> <p> </p>
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Binders and Buggery
<p>Flying solo again this week, TRB serves up a few phrases heard in retail hell that make you want to scream. From people seeking the disapproving ear of management, those that say "It's October, not December!", and a shoutout to the companies already saying no to Black Thursday, it's all in this episode! Also a little advice when confronted by a desperado, and the return of The Escape Pod! So grab those earbuds and prepare to nod your head on this newest edition of The Retail Rant!</p> <p>Be sure to drop off a 5-star review on iTunes for this show and any of your other favorite podcasts. It's free and easy, and the easiest way to let your pals behind the mic know you're digging what they do. And if you haven't yet (you probably have by now, so you can ignore this part) be sure you download the FREE Couch Party app for Android devices!</p>
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Ranty Travis
<p>Us retail employees think that dealing with just a couple bathrooms in a retail setting is pretty bad, right? Imagine of you were responsible for FORTY!!! Well, joining TRB this week is a man who is. Travis Sloan of the After 6 Podcast drops by to chronicle his misadventures at Wal-Mart, his "shitty" job, and what it is about a self checkout that seems to attract the idiots. All this, some Fuck You Notes, and a few rants worthy of rewinding! So listen and enjoy, but first, you gotta be sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!</p> <p>Check out Travis and his co-host Adam Christopher on iTunes, after6podcast.com, and follow them on Twitter!</p> <p>Travis (Twitter - @theTMFS)</p> <p>Adam (Twitter - @bitesizedAC) (Twitch - After6podcast)</p> <p>The After 6 Podcast (@after6podcast)</p> <p>Get that Couch Party app if you haven't yet!  It's the easiest way to get all nine members of the #CouchPartyCrew in one tap of your finger! It's all FREE, and all for YOU! The crew loves to hear from you, so make sure you drop a 5-star review for your favorite shows wherever you're listening from!</p>
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Let's Get Drunk and Talk Retail
<p>TRB is joined this week by a fellow member of the #CouchPartyCrew, Dexter from the Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics podcast! We talk minimum wage, discuss the assholes you experience on the way to work, and review fine adult beverages! Dexter tells us a bit about himself, and positions himself for a return to the show to tell his tales from retail hell.</p> <p>So kick back and grab a cold one (we did), and enjoy the show! But most importantly, be sure that you're wearing someone else's nametag!!!</p> <p>Want to follow Dexter on Twitter? @jealousofregis                     Need to catch up on his show? @drunkcomicsfans                     Want to listen in? Find him and the rest of the #CouchPartyCrew on the totally FREE and AWESOME Couch Party app for Android!</p> <p>Enjoy this show, Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics, or any of your other favorite CP podcasts? Be sure to drop off a 5 star review over on iTunes!</p>
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Enema of The State
<p>This week, TRB is joined by a good friend of the show, and a fellow slave to the (meager) retail paycheck. Listen in as @RiteAidProblems describes some of the horrors of retail pharmacy from the front end, and a few of the things customers do with their back end! She even manages to tell a story that combines TRB's least favorite things: bathroom abuse and thieves. So grab your favorite beverage and prepare for a good time, talking about bad things.</p> <p>Haven't downloaded the Couch Party app yet? Well get your ass to the Google Play Store and put it on your favorite Android device already! Official home of the #CouchPartyCrew, it gives you nine of the best podcasts available in one convenient press of the finger. And did we mention it's totally FREE?!?! So get it now and drown out those bitching customers!</p> <p>Drop by iTunes and leave The Retail Rant a sappy 5-star review, and be sure to follow our guest this week on Twitter (@RiteAidProblems). But most importantly, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!</p>
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Wafflemaker Wankers
<p>Yet another week has passed in retail hell, which has brought you back to your weekly therapy session. On this episode, TRB discusses how the drive to work is bad enough without the swerving douchebag, why I won't hold items for people, your retail escape pod, and much more! Also, a new side of TRB is revealed on his new blog, therantybastard.wordpress.com. So kick back, grab a cold one, and enjoy!</p> <p>Enjoy the show? Be sure to leave a 5-star review on iTunes, and support the #CouchPartyCrew by downloading the Couch Party app! Nine amazing podcasts, all in one convenient tap of the finger! And it's all FREE!</p> <p>A big thanks to Adam and Travis from the After 6 Podcast for having Judge Ranty on last week! Look forward to hearing from Travis on a future episode, along with a slew of brand new guests coming soon!</p>
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Beers and Loops
<p>Ranty doesn't have a drinking problem, he has a retail problem! From the endless loop of soft rock that is the elevator music of retail life, to the thieving bastards who make a living off of lenient return policies, TRB is going to attack them all this week. Add in a few new beers and a favorite musician, and you've got the makings of a new Retail Rant.</p> <p>And take notes if you're trying to escape retail hell, as we continue our new segment, "Get to the Escape Pod". Ranty will guide you step by step on how to get out from behind that cash register and (hopefully) from in front of bitchy customers.</p> <p>Be sure to check out all the friends of the show, from the amazing #CouchPartyCrew (all available for free on the Couch Party app for Android), to awesome shows like the After 6 Podcast and Steve Arce's Effinbe podcast. Like 'em? Drop off a 5-star review on iTunes and show them some love!</p>
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Get to The Choppa!!!
<p>Thank you NFL! You have redirected the Sunday church crowd to yelling at their TVs and not shouting at someone behind a cash register! It's a small reprieve, but we will gladly accept it. TRB runs through a myriad of topics this week, from the (hopefully) impending end of sweaty money, to the daily horror of the debit/credit card and the return of the Google Asshole app. So strap in and let your retail misery melt away!</p> <p>Got that new Samsung phone? Then get to the Google Play store and download the Couch Party app. It's the official home to nine of the best independent podcasts that will both educate and entertain! It's priced just right for the poor retail worker, because it's all FREE!!!</p> <p>Once you've enjoyed this episode, swing over to iTunes and drop off a 5-star review for this show and all your other favorite podcasts! It's simple, quick, and the best way to support your favorite shows!</p> <p>So kick back, grab your beverage of choice, but most importantly, be sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!</p>
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The 9/11 Ad
<p>Straight to the point here. Fuck Miracle Mattress of San Antonio. Last episode I talked about the ridiculous nature of the "holiday ads", and then these fucks took it to the unspeakable level. Disgusting, distasteful, and worse than anything I have seen. Judge for yourself, but I'm pretty sure we both know the verdict.</p>
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Give It Away Now
<p>Ever wondered what kind of "training" those customer service phone reps get? Why does upper management freak out over non-existent hurricanes? Maybe you're curious as to the meaning behind Labor Day (hint - it isn't about "the big sale"). Well TRB has it all covered on this week's episode of The Retail Rant! So come on down to Rantyville and take a ride through yet another week of retail fuckery!</p> <p>Check out the rest of the #CouchPartyCrew, and download the TOTALLY FREE Couch Party app for Android. The best way to listen to the best podcasts out there. </p> <p>Enjoy the show? Then let TRB know with a 5-star iTunes review! It's the easiest, most cost effective thing you can do to support your favorite podcasts!</p> <p>So kick back, grab a cold one, and enjoy the show. But above all, do us one big favor, and wear someone else's fucking nametag!</p>
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Confessions of a Retail Whore
<p>This week's episode features another author from the realm of retail hell, Jess E. Her new book focuses on the 28 different ways that determine if a customer is an ass, as well as some snark that even made TRB laugh! We delve into not only the book itself, but also some personal experiences that lead us each to our creative outlets. Don't mind the synthesized voice-over - Jess takes the anonymous thing very seriously.</p> <p>So be sure to pick up a copy of Confessions of a Retail Whore: 28 Ways to Determine If You Are a Complete Ass on amazon.com. And if you are a Kindle UNlimited member - it's free! So go get it!</p> <p>Are you listening on the Couch Party app yet? By now you should be, because A. It's been out for almost a year B. It's FREE and C. Where else will you get the 9 best indy pods out there? Download it now!</p> <p>And as always, your charitable donation of a 5-star review can be left on iTunes. It costs nothing but a few minutes of your time to support TRB and the whole #CouchPartyCrew, so show us some love! And once you do that, treat yourself with a frosty beverage, kick back and enjoy a new episode. But always make sure that you're wearing someone else's muthafuckin nametag!!</p>
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Full Body Tackle
<p>Have you ever wondered what loss prevention people do when they're not stopping shoplifters? Well we have got the answers on this episode as TRB is joined once again by Sean William Brown! Coming back for his third appearance, we are finally able to talk about his newest book, "WalMart: I Don't Belong Here". Join in as we discuss Sean's time in WalMart LP, and some of the crazy shit that goes down almost daily in America's biggest retailer. And it's not all just stopping petty theft friends, it's way better than that. From thieves with raging hard-ons to NFL-grade tackles, Sean tells some of the craziest tales you will ever hear leave the LP office.</p> <p>So after listening, be sure to pick up your copy of "Walmart: I Don't Belong Here", which is currently available in eBook format on Amazon and BarnesAndNoble.com. Sean was even kind enough to keep the prices low so that every retail employee in America can afford it! And for the funniest tweets from "the back", be sure to follow him on Twitter (@dearcustomer).</p> <p>Of course, please continue to support the #CouchPartyCrew by downloading the Couch Party app for Android. You'll be listening to nine of the best independent podcasts in no time, and it is still 100% FREE! And if you like a show from the crew, be sure to show them some love with a 5-star iTunes review.</p> <p>So grab a cold one, plug in those earbuds, but most importantly, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!</p> <p>*DISCLAIMER - Yes, TRB's audio sounds like he's in a 4'X4' room. Apparently a certain little Ranty turned up the FX knob when I wasn't looking. I would have re-recorded this episode, but our schedules didn't work out. However, Sean more that makes up for it , I assure you.</p> <p> </p>
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The Heat
<p>Heat and humidity have a very bad effect on the two brain cells that most customers have, and this week was no exception. With soaring temperatures and rising stupidity levels, retail hell takes on a new meaning. In this episode, TRB talks about a customer who left his mom to die in a hot car, why effort is maxed out when pay is, how useless "employee discounts" are, and much more retail fuckery.</p> <p>The Couch Party app is the way! The way to catch nine of the best independent podcasts all in one place that is! Download it now from the Play Store for the best content and personalities, and I guarantee it will make your day stuck at a cash register a little more bearable.</p> <p>So crack a cold one, drop by iTunes and leave TRB a 5-star review, and most importantly, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!</p> <p>P.S. Next week's episode is a special one, so be sure not to miss it!</p>
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Retail Olympics
<p>Feel like you should win gold for dodging that customer as you dash for your break? Ever thought that you earned a medal by enduring a marathon of insults from a client? Well if so, then this week's episode is for you! From the "Retail Olympics" and the desire to slap a customer, to the people that think we go to "school" just to work this job, TRB has got it all covered on this installment of The Retail Rant podcast.</p> <p>Don't forget about the rest of the #CouchPartyCrew and download the Couch Party app for 9 of the best independent podcasts availanle! It's 100% free, so even a retail employee can afford it (admit it, we're all broke).</p> <p>So kick back, grab a cold one, and most importantly, be sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!</p>
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Retail Olympics
<p>Feel like you should win gold for dodging that customer as you dash for your break? Ever thought that you earned a medal by enduring a marathon of insults from a client? Well if so, then this week's episode is for you! From the "Retail Olympics" and the desire to slap a customer, to the people that think we go to "school" just to work this job, TRB has got it all covered on this installment of The Retail Rant podcast. </p> <p>Don't forget about the rest of the #Couch party crew,  and download the Couch Party app for 9 of the best independent podcasts available! It's 100% free, so even a retail employee can afford it (admit it, we're all broke).</p> <p>So kick back, grab a cold one, and most importantly, be sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!</p>
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It Has Begun
<p>Do you already have Christmas products in your back room? Well I hate to tell you, the worst part of the "retail calendar" has begun. As if it's some portal into a deeper part of retail hell, it has opened its doors and is waiting to swallow our souls. But have no fear, TRB is here to fight back on this week's Retail Rant.</p> <p>The pain in the ass known as conference calls, customers who love talking politics, and the co-workers that think the fridge is a buffet, it's all here in this show. So turn your phone down low, sit in that isolated corner of the break room, and don't mind the people staring as you enjoy a laugh at their expense! When you're done, leave a 5-star iTunes review, and be sure you're wearing someone else's nametag before you clock back in.</p> <p>Support this show and the rest of the amazing #CouchPartyCrew by telling a friend about the Couch Party app for Android. The shows are great, the content is awesome, and it's all FREE!!!</p>
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Making That 1%
<p>Busted your ass all year long? Made sales plan by 10%? Signed up the most loyalty cards? Don't worry, corporate will give you a 1% raise, and TRB will tell you why to throw it back in their faces. Why do the idiots/lazy/ass kissers always get promoted? Because they fear people like us. All this and a discussion with @ODProbs2k16 about back to school, all in this week's episode of The Retail Rant!</p> <p>Got some 5-star reviews laying around that you want to use? Throw them TRB's way on iTunes! Throw that love around, because we know we don;t have the money (we work retail).</p> <p>Check out the best 9-pack of independent podcasts out there by downloading the Couch Party app! And check out the #CouchPartyCrew's new home - smartasspods.com</p>
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Pokemon GTFO
<p>This week Ranty flies solo, and takes a swipe at the swipers. Not Tinder, not card readers, but Pokemon GO. People that think that a retail store is the place to be catching a Charizard or that the parking lot is the best place to be fixated to a phone screen, you should not be playing this game in a retail environment!!! There's also a message from long time fan Manager John (@managerjohn), who uncovers a new breed of LMA. And last but not least, TRB brings you "Fuck You Notes", a new interactive segment of the show.</p> <p>Have a "Fuck You Note" from your retail job? Call the Ranty Hotline at (810) 373-9790 and leave your message to be played on the show!</p> <p>Download the Couch Party app for Android, and get 9 of the best damn podcasts out there, all for FREE!!!</p> <p>So enjoy this episode, kick back, leave The Retail Rant a 5-star iTunes review, and as always, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!</p>
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Effin People
<p>This week, we delve into the food and beverage industry with the host of the Effinbe Podcast, Steve Arce. He tells tales of customer service hell from over a decade in the business, and we discuss how to solve the problem of customer stupidity. We launch into the rant-osphere on topics like coupons, apps, and all kinds of general idiocy. So prepare yourself for lots of profanity, lots of fun, and a great show!</p> <p>Be sure to support Steve by subscribing to his show on iTunes and leaving a 5-star review. Follow him on Twitter (@effinbepodcast) and catch up on the problems facing both sides of the counter.</p> <p>Don't have the Couch Party app yet? Well get it for FREE on the Google Play Store already! Get access to 9 of the best independent podcasts available today. And drop some commentary over at smartasspods.com - the official home of the #CouchPartyCrew !</p>
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Mamary Overload
<p>Joining TRB this week in her return to the show, it's Heather D (@IB4ECeptAfterC) to discuss why she is still drinking 2 days after 4th of July! Customers that make up their own post-holiday sales, TRB gets stuff thrown at him, and a absurd interaction that one of TRB's friends had this week. It's all in this week's episode!</p> <p>You should not only download the Couch Party app, but you should also leave some 5-star love for the #CouchPartyCrew on iTunes! It's the easiest and best way to support the crew, and continue to help us in our plan for podcast domination!</p> <p>So plug in those earbuds (the boss might not like what we have to say), find somewhere that customers can't find you (bathrooms aren't as safe as you may think), but most importantly, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!</p>
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If It Ain't Broke....
<p>Bookstores aren't for interviews! Or are they? TRB is joined this week by @MikeBookseller for some insight into what it's like working in a "big box" bookstore. From cafe interviews and homeless hangouts, to the manager getting beat up and that one overly religious person we've all worked with, you'll find it all in this episode!</p> <p>Be sure to check out and support Mike's side projects, theSKU.org and krrobar.com. He brings the misery of retail hell straight to the funny pages 4 days a week, and he'll have you realizing that his artwork is your reality every day!</p> <p>DOWNLOAD THE COUCH PARTY APP!!!!! It's totally free, and packed with 9 of the best damn podcasts that you'll find in one place, all for FREE!!! Subscribe, and be sure to drop some those 5-star review on 'em!</p> <p>So let's kick back, relax, leave The Ranty Bastard a 5-star iTunes review, but most importantly, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!</p>
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Extra Butter, Diet Coke
<p>This week's episode is a look into a sector of the "customer service" field that many of us may take for granted - the movie theater. TRB is joined by the host of the Digital Men - The Ultimate Rush and Prog Podcast, Ryan Howard (@howard_gregryan). From the underbelly of the concession stand, Ryan shows us that no matter what kind of industry you're in, customers will always find a way to be a douche.</p> <p>Be sure to check out Digital Men - The Ultimate Rush and Prog Podcast on iTunes, and leave them a positive review (remember, 1 star anonymous reviews are for pussies, so don't do it!). And be sure to support the #CouchPartyCrew by downloading the Couch Party app for Android. You'll find 9 of the best damn shows out there for FREE, including this show, Couch Party, Miserable Retail Slave, Jake and Tom Conquer the World, The Nerd Rage Podcast, Project Archivist, The Grime Lords, The Mixed Feelings Podcast, and our newest addition to the crew, Let's Get Drunk and Talk Comics!</p> <p>So kick back, shake off the working all "weekend" blues, drop a 5 star iTunes review for TRB, but most importantly, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!</p>
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Model Citizens
<p>This week TRB is joined again by Tara (@tara_atrandom) to talk about a ridiculous news story from the past week. There is no part of ANY retail job that says "Hey, take a beating in the parking lot after work", yet one of our fellow customer service workers had to endure just that. But not from one or two people, but three upstanding citizens from Sandusky, Ohio. So kick back and enjoy an "in-depth report" (insert sarcastic comment here) from The Ranty News Network. And when you're done, drop a five star review on iTunes (thanks to all of you who have)!</p> <p>Be sure to check out Tara and Nash on live.radiodeadair.com every Monday night starting at 9pm for a look into life with cats, retro TV shows and music, and of course the What The Fuck Is Wrong With You segment!</p> <p>This show is also available to you for FREE on the Couch Party app, the FREE home of this show and many great others. Download it now to hear the latest episodes of The Miserable Retail Slave, Couch Party, Jake and Tom Conquer the World, The Nerd Rage Podcast, Project Archivist, The Grimelords, and those two slanderous, scandalous women at The Mixed Feelings Podcast. Eight great shows for the price of NOTHING!!!!</p>
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Should I Put It In Yet?
<p>VERY SPECIAL GUEST EPISODE!!! This week TRB is joined by the one, the only, Sean William Brown! The author of "Dear Customer" makes his return to talk about the awkwardness behind all those chip reader comments, how much role plays suck, and tell us about his newest endeavor, thesku.org! We also take a sneak peek into Sean's second book, "Wal-Mart, I Don't Belong Here", which will be covered in depth in a future episode.</p> <p>So kick back, grab a copy of "Dear Customer" on Amazon/B&N (or wherever you buy your books), and be sure to wear someone else's nametag!</p> <p> </p>
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Hell In A Cell (Phone Store)
<p>Join TRB and @fedupphonerep this week as we chat about what it's like dealing with the public and the one thing they can't live without - their cell phone. From ex-girlfriends trying to dig up old texts, to the idiot who thought YouTube was a reliable source to repair an iPhone, it's all here this week!</p> <p>Be sure to support the Couch Party Crew by downloading the Couch Party app in the Google Play Store. In addition to this fine program, you will also get Miserable Retail Slave, Couch Party, The Nerd Rage Podcast, Drunken Dork, Project Archivist, The Mixed Feelings Podcast, and The Grimelords. It's all awesome, and it's all free!!!!</p>
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Anniversary Episode!
<p>Well, it's officially been one year of The Retail Rant podcast, and what better way to celebrate than by revisiting the episode that started it all. From bad audio and no format at all, to lighting a cigarette on air every 2 minutes, this pile of shit turned in to the premier podcast for anyone who has ever experienced retail hell.  So strap on your headphones and take a trip down memory lane with TRB, but don't leave an iTunes review on this one!</p> <p>And a big thanks to everyone who has interacted with the show over the past year, my fantastic guests, the Couch Party Crew (who for some reason added me to their app despite this episode), and every follower who likes and RTs my daily retail bullshit. Year number 2 is going to be great, and I look forward to continuing to bring you all a profanely entertaining look into retail hell.</p>
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The Overtimes, They Are A Changin'
<p>This week's episode takes a look at the new overtime laws that go into effect later this year. TRB discusses how it could (and probably will) suck for a lot of managers, and how it will likely impact everyone in the retail world. But don't despair, even though it's a serious topic, it will be delivered in true Ranty Bastard fashion - lots of profanity and with a distinct hatred for HR! So kick back, leave a 5-star iTunes review, and most importantly, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!</p> <p>Tell your friends to subscribe on iTunes or to download the Couch Party app, and spread the good word about how bad retail really is. And be sure to check out every offering from the Couch Party Crew!</p> <p> </p>
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The Kindness Killer
<p>The Retail Rant turns 50 this week! (Well, fifty weeks that is.) In usual ranty fashion, TRB serves up his take on the world known as retail hell. On this week's episode, the guys out there will learn what happens when you slip an underage girl your number, how TRB's soul has died from "kindness", and the best lies that customers have told retail employees when returning merchandise. A big thanks to everyone that sent in their comments on Twitter (@The_Retail_Rant)!</p> <p>Be sure to support the Couch Party Crew by downloading the Couch Party app on Android. It's totally free, and packed full with eight of the best independent podcasts out there! And take a minute to check out out our new website, smartasspods.com! And vote #TRB2016 in the Couch Party primaries!</p> <p>So kick back, leave a 5-star iTunes review (50 weeks and only 10 reviews? Come on!), and most importantly, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!</p>
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Third Shift, Not Third Rate
<p>Joining TRB this week for his foray into retail hell, "gas station gal" (Twitter @thirdshiftchick) explains the rigors and stupidity that involve working the overnight shift. You'll also learn the three things that a customer should NEVER say to a retail employee. From late night drug dealers, to Canadians trying to buy gas in a "foreign" country, you'll find it all in this week's edition of The Retail Rant podcast!</p> <p>And not only can you find the show on iTunes and the Couch Party app, but visit the new #CouchPartyCrew website, smartasspods.com! Leave a note for the crew and vote for your Couch Party Presidential nominee (hint, it's TRB).</p> <p>Enjoy, but as always, be sure to wear someone else's nametag!</p>
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Closing Time
<p>It's been one hell of a day, and you've been ready to leave for the last 2 hours. You finally lock the doors, escort the LMAs out, and breath a sigh of relief. But then it hits you. The store is wrecked. You sigh harder. Well, it's that second, prolonged sigh that brings you this week's edition of The Retail Rant podcast. See why TRB hates closing, and all the little surprises that rear their heads after locking up. So kick back, leave a 5 star iTunes review, and as always, wear someone else's nametag.</p> <p>And be sure to check out the new home of the #CouchPartyCrew at smartasspods.com. Leave a comment, show some love, and support TRB in the Couch Party Elections!  #TRB2016 for President!!!</p>
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The Venti Floor Therapy Session
<p>TRB is joined this week by another good friend of the show, Tara (@tara_atrandom), to talk about the similarities within the retail world. You will learn that customers can be a pain in the ass, especially in one particular retail setting. We also chat about our disdain for the American shopping mall, as well as how work can make you hate a celebrity. And you'll see why not everyone in the Couch Party Crew should run for president (hint - they're all running).</p> <p>A big thank you to everyone who took time out to show support for our friend Seattle Amanda (@mandasaures_rex). It is greatly appreciated by Amanda as well as TRB!</p> <p>Download the Couch Party app and get all seven podcasts from the Couch Party Crew! You'll get great programs like Miserable Retail Slave, The Drunken Dork, Couch Party (duh!), The Nerd Rage Podcast, and our newest additions; The Grime Lords and the Mixed Feelings Podcast! So get to the Google Play Store and get it NOW!</p>
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Bounce, Bounce, Bounce
<p>Peel back the onion this week, and let the tears flow as TRB discusses the most outdated and irritating method of payment - the check. From their many negatives to the few positives, and a lot of scams in between, listen in while The Ranty Bastard pours out his disdain for checkbooks in retail.</p> <p>Also, please support our good friend of the show, Seattle Amanda (@mandasaures_rex), as she goes through a very rough time and some bad health issues. Be it a message to help her through the day, or a donation to her razoo.com fundraiser (Healthy is a Goal - Amanda Rhoades), please show our friend some love. Because once you've experienced retail hell, we are ALL family.</p>
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Parking 101
<p>In this week's episode, join TRB as he rants about the use and abuse of the retail parking lot. From people who simply cannot park, to the beggar's badlands, this show will highlight the foul treatment that customers and vagrants unleash on our parking lots every day.</p> <p>Be sure to download the Couch Party app (Android users) for 7 of the best damn pods out there. There's a different show for every day of the week, so why wouldn't you?! And if you're an iTunes user, be sure to leave TRB and the entire Couch Party crew a 5-star review!</p>
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Of Rebates and Purell
<p>Beware! Temperatures are starting to rise, and the sweat money has already made it's return! Join TRB on this week's foray into the world of retail hell as he discusses funky (as in sweaty, not George Clinton) customers, the neverending fight with mail-in rebates, and what cost cutting does to retail morale. Brought to you in allergy-HD audio, this episode is the perfect way to kick off the "spring selling season"!</p> <p>Be sure to leave a lovely 5-star iTunes review, and be sure you're wearing somebody else's nametag at all times!</p>
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We Don't Warranty Stupidity
<p>This week's episode of The Retail Rant is brought to you by yet another "interesting" week in the retail life of TRB. Warmer weather means that the idiots are starting to come out of their winter cocoons. From the "well, it's under warranty" people to bosses that turn emails into a half marathon, it's all on this episode.</p> <p>Subscribe on iTunes, or download the Couch Party app to make sure you never miss the destruction of everything we ALL hate about retail!</p> <p> </p>
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The Retail Superhero
<p>How many times have you wished you had a superpower while at work? Admit it, we all have. Whether it was invisibility or mind reading, we have all thought about it. In that spirit, TRB welcomes HAB (@Couch_Party) and Rnady aka "King Dork" (@MRetailSlave) to the show this week to discuss which comic book ability we would want if we were stuck in retail hell forever. It's some good old fashioned fun as we goof off and just have fun discussing retail past and present. Also, an exclusive announcement from Randy regarding the future of The Miserable Retail Slave podcast!</p> <p>And seriously, if you enjoy the show, leave TRB a 5-star review on iTunes! I've been stuck at 7 reviews for the last 6 months, so show some love for your retail hating friend.</p> <p>Most importantly, be sure you're wearing someone else's nametag!</p> <p>Twitter @The_Retail_Rant</p> <p> </p>
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It's a Receipt, Not a Notepad
<p>We've all seen it lately, the people that voice their opinion about "customer service" on a receipt. Well these crafty little wordsmiths have found their way on to TRB's radar this week. These Shakespeare wannabes that leave their little nuggets of "advice" on the tab have to be stopped! And TRB will tell you how! It's been too long since the restaurant "customer service" industry was a topic here on the Rant, so this episode is for every server, waiter/waitress, and bartender that has had to count how many letters their tips had instead of dollars.</p> <p>Also, be sure to catch TRB's big announcement that will change the face of retail! So plug in your headphones, crack a beer or 12, and get ready for this week's Retail Rant!</p> <p>Don't forget to leave an iTunes review if you're checking out the show on an iOS device, and rate the Couch Party app if you're listening on Android!</p>
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Tally Up
<p>What's the single worst day in retail? You guessed it, inventory day! Join TRB this week as he talks about how much he hates inventory, both the day of, and the mad scramble leading to it. This episode previously "aired" in 2015, but with so many new listeners, how could I deny you? Laugh because it's funny, cringe because it's true. And as always, enjoy, leave a review, and destroy if necessary!</p>
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The Net Sucks
<p>No, it's not a Sandra Bullock movie review, it's this week's episode of the Retail Rant! Join your old pal TRB as he discusses how the internet has ruined brick and mortar retail, and made the job of the retail employee more difficult than ever. Also, check out our spot for a Google app that we all want, but will never happen. Subscribe on iTunes (and leave a 5-star review!) for all you Apple people, or get your fix on The Couch Party app for Android.</p> <p>Be sure to support our sponsor, accessorygeeks.com, by getting all your tech accessory needs! They offer year-round free shipping, and for a limited time, you can still take 13% off of your order by using promo code "party5". This deal won't last much longer, so get all your phone cases for iPhone and Galaxy while you still can! Support the show and support the geeks at accessorygeeks.com!</p> <p>And as always, enjoy, leave a review, and destroy if necessary!</p>
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H&R Blockheads
<p>"Sales will be up in February!" they said.</p> <p>"Everyone is getting their tax money and going shopping" they said.</p> <p>Well if you listen to this show, you know that "they" is corporate, and "they" are a bunch of bean counting idiots. So join TRB this week on the Rant as we discuss the stupidity behind February sales targets, the new products that make our own "As Seen on TV" hell, and a thrashing of people with expired coupons. It's a blast making this show for all of you, and this one was no exception.</p> <p>WARNING - 2 SHAMELESS PLUGS FOLLOW</p> <p>First, be sure to support our sponsor, accessorygeeks.com. They have everything you need for every piece of tech in your life, from phone cases and chargers to tablet covers and Bluetooth. Take advantage of their always FREE shipping, and be sure to use promo code "party5" to save an additional 13% off of your total purchase.</p> <p>Also, a great friend of the show has published his first book outlining his time in retail hell! So get over to Amazon and purchase your copy of Frank Lee's "Why We Hate You: A Retailer's Confession", available in eBook, paperback and hardcover! It's an honest portrayal of what life is like in retail hell after 20 years, and much like this show, it strikes back for all the retail grunts out there! And be sure to leave your five star reviews for both Frank and TRB! Enjoy!</p>
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Moms, Kids, Retail!
<p>This week TRB takes a back seat to two ladies that not only do a great job as mothers, but somehow manage to juggle a full retail schedule too. Join Mrs. TRB and Heather (Twitter @IB4ECeptAfterC) as they discuss what the struggle is like to not only be management in retail, but being a mom to 2 kids as well. From old ladies rubbing pregger bellies, to people comparing their German Shepherds to your kids, this episode is just what the doctor ordered for all you working moms out there!</p> <p>Be sure to visit accessorygeeks.com and support the show! From phone accessories to household gadgets, the geeks at acccessorygeeks.com have you covered. Take advantage of their year-round FREE shipping, and use promo code "party5" to save an additional 13% off your total purchase!</p>
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Snow Way Am I Coming In
<p> </p> <p>Join TRB this week as he discusses a discovery from the Snowpocalypse, a new breed of the hated LMAs. The show makes a turn to people with no clue why they are even in the store. Shorter episode this week after the last two marathon shows, so enjoy, leave a review, and destroy if necessary!</p> <p>Don't forget to shop accessorygeeks.com and use promo code "PARTY5" for 13% off your total order! They have all you need to protect and charge your phone or tablet, so get your tech protected!</p> <p> </p>
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Blue Jacket, Bad Haircut - "Doctor" Retail Part Deux
<p>TRB is joined again this week by our good friend Amanda (@mandasaures_rex) as we finish ripping into the retail "doctor". We cover points 26-50 of Bobby's "50 Pet Peeves about Retail Workers" and the idiocy behind them. From not asking enough questions, to asking way too many, this list should make every hard working retail employee sick. We discuss his detachment from what retail is really like, and why no one should take advice from a stuffed shirt that hasn't worked in a store in 20+ years. Subscribe and review on iTunes for all you iPhoners, and download The Couch Party app for the Android crowd!</p> <p> </p> <p>Also, don't forget to check out our sponsor, accessorygeeks.com. With free shipping every day on all your tech accessory needs , the geeks at accessorygeeks.com have you covered! And when you use promo code "party5" at checkout, you'll receive an additional 13% off your total purchase!</p> <p> </p>
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Paging "Doctor" Retail
<p>Join TRB and special guest Amanda (@mandasaures_rex on Twitter) as we discuss and obliterate 25 of the top 50 things that customers hate about us, the retail employees. Long episode here, so long it turned into the first 2 part Rant! Enjoy, leave a review, and don't forget to wear somebody else's nametag!</p> <p>Also, be sure to check out our sponsor, accessorygeeks.com. From custom iPhone and Galaxy cases, to earbuds and "hoverboards", the geeks have you covered! They always offer FREE shipping, and you can save an additional 13% at checkout with the promo code "party5". Support the geeks and support the show!</p>
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The Sick, The "Sum", and the Suggesting
<p>Well, winter is here, and we can't do anything about it. But while you're nestled up in your blanket with your NyQuil, check out this week's episode of The Retail Rant podcast. TRB discusses why winter sucks, sickness in the workplace, and a few other choice topics, all while using the "f-word" (not "free") a lot. So bundle up, pop in your earbuds, and enjoy this week's show!</p> <p>No earbuds you say? Well then you need to get to accessorygeeks.com quick friend! Check out their huge selection of quality earbuds, as well as durable and custom iPhone and Galaxy cases. The geeks have it all in one site for all your needs! And not only do they have 100% FREE shipping, but you can save 13% off your order with the promo code "party5". That's right, free shipping PLUS 13% off your order!</p> <p>A big thanks to Mrs. Tom Coe for our promo spot this week, and as always, enjoy, leave a review, and destroy if necessary!</p>
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The Drunken Dead
<p>New year, new show, the same old Ranty Bastard!</p> <p>The rant is on in 2016!! As the first show of the year, you know TRB is going to discuss all the fuckery associated with New Year's in retail! From early closings and drunken customers, to callouts and the bad excuses, this week's Retail Rant has it all. So once you've set all your Valentine's Day planograms, sit back and enjoy this episode!</p> <p>Also, don't forget to support our sponsor, accessorygeeks.com. The Geeks have it all in one place your phone, tablet, and tech accessory needs. They always have free shipping, and you can still save 13% off your total order with promo code "party5". So check out their site, pick up some goodies for yourself, and support the show, by shopping accessorygeeks.com</p> <p>ANNOUNCEMENT!!! For all you Android users out there, The Retail Rant podcast is now on the Couch Party app! You can get every episode of this show, as well as The Miserable Retail Slave, Couch Party, The NerdRage Podcast, The Drunken Dork, and now Project Archivist. So go download the app now and listen to them all (plus you never know when TRB may make a guest appearance)!</p>
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Happy New Year from TRB
<p>Just a quick message to all the fans, supporters, followers, and subscribers. YOU have made 2015 a GREAT year for The Ranty Bastard, and I wish the best for every one of you in 2016. So be safe out there tonight, and enjoy a new episode of The Retail Rant coming soon.</p>
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The Christmas Rant
<p>Well, it's not all ranty this week. TRB does trash some customers, but a soft spot was hit this week that waranted discussion. A shorter show than usual, but you should be enjoying your Christmas (aka a day off from retail), and time with family and friends. So don't worry about TRB going soft; the hardcore ranting is back on and in full effect next week!</p> <p>And be sure to visit our sponsor at accessorygeeks.com to pick up all the things you need to go along with your new, shiny Christmas toys! On top of their year-round FREE shipping, use promo code "party5" at checkout for an additional 13% OFF!!! From high quality, custom iPhone and Galaxy cases, to earbuds and tablet accessories, the geeks at accessorygeeks.com have got you covered!</p>
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I HATE LMAs!!! *Re-release
<p>As the final "flashback" (yeah, I know, all the way back to July) of 2015, join TRB in a thorough thrashing of two groups of people we all hate - early morning and last minute assholes. It's especially ranty, and it's a topic we ALL encounter daily. It's a particularly relevant episode, as we deal with the worst LMAs of the year, the last minute Christmas shopper!</p> <p>Don't forget to visit our sponsor, accessorygeeks.com, for all of your iPhone and Galaxy needs, as well as anything else you need for your new shiny Christmas gifts. Because let's face it, those factory earbuds just aren't gonna cut it. Maybe you got a new tablet and need a case. Or a stand so you don't drop it on your face in bed. Whatever you need, tyhe geeks at accessorygeeks.com have you covered! They always have FREE shipping, and you can save an additional 13% off when you use promo code "party5" at checkout!</p> <p> </p>
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"Price Check!"
<p>That phrase is annoying any time of year, but people screaming for price checks during the "holiday season" can just be downright infuriating. Join TRB this week and revel in our mutual disdain for price checks and people that want 50 $5 gift cards during a rush. And if you have a terrible manager, have them sit down and take notes for the last part. You'll be glad you did.</p> <p>And for all you LMAs, visit accessorygeeks.com to finish up all of your Christmas shopping. From custom iPhone and Galaxy cases, earbuds, screen protectors and more, the geeks have your last minute ass covered! Shipping is always FREE, and you will save an additional 13% off your order when you use promo code "party5" at checkout. Don't get trampled by the masses at the mall, when you can shop from home with accessorygeeks.com!</p> <p>Enjoy, leave a review, destroy if necessary, and don't forget to wear somebody else's nametag!</p>
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For need of a customer *Re-release!
<p>Not all of you have been with TRB since the beginning, but you shouldn't be left out! This is one of the first episodes of The Retail Rant, and the first to be re-released as part of the best of 2015, Ranty style. Enjoy this one as I discuss customer loyalty and coupons at great length and with distinct disgust. And forgive the audio issues - I was only 4 weeks in to podcasting and still learning a lot to bring you the shows I do today. But enjoy in anyways, because it's retail hatred at it's finest (except for the audio).</p> <p>Also, no promo spot on the show itself, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't go to accessorygeeks.com to finish off your Christmas list! Get those last minute gifts or stocking stuffers, and use promo code "party5" at checkout to get 13% off of your order. And accessorygeeks.com always has FREE shipping!</p>
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"Who's Next?"
<p>An early release for this week's show so that I could get some plugs out.</p> <p>Be sure to go and support our friend of the show, Tom E Thompson, as he and fellow comics Andy Benigno, Chris Young and Tim Steele bring the comedy to The Riverfront Grille in Chesaning, MI this Saturday. Get to the show, bring a toy for the Toys for Tots drive, and be sure to tell Tommy that TRB sent ya!</p> <p>Now with that done, check out the rest of the show as TRB addresses customer behavior during the "holidays", as well as my creative insight into the retail hell we are all trapped in.</p> <p>And be sure to visit our sponsor, accessorygeeks.com. Free shipping, great last minute Christmas gifts from the comfort of your iPad, and 13% off your order with the promo code "party5". Convenient shopping without the crowds or Christmas music!</p> <p>And as always, enjoy, leave an iTunes review, and destroy if necessary!</p> <p>Twitter @The_Retail_Rant</p>
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The Ranty Family
<p>*Disclaimer - You should do your best The Rock impression when you read this.</p> <p>Finally, The Mrs. Ranty Bastard, has AGREED, to do The Retail Rant Podcast.</p> <p>Join the family this week as we discuss a retail household with kids, and catch up on Mrs. TRB's take on some new days of the week.</p> <p>As always, enjoy, leave a review, and destroy if necessary!</p>
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Wayne is a dick
<p>Join TRB and The Muse this week as we thrash a “motivational speaker” who likes belittling retail employees.<br />And if this show isn’t enough for your ranting fix, check out the Thanksgiving episode of The Couch Party and “Blowdog” by our friends over at The Miserable Rejection, i mean Retail, Slave!</p>
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Give Thanks
<p>I just wanted to take a moment today, and wish a very happy Thanksgiving (NOT BLACK THURSDAY) to all of you.<br />Please enjoy the time you have today with family and friends, no matter how short it may be, and give thanks for all that<br />you have in your life. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!</p> <p>With love (and condolences for those that have to work)</p> <p>The Ranty Bastard<br />P.S. There will still be a regular show Friday!</p>
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Payroll and Politics
<p>Get prepared my retail brethren! We are one week away from Fucktard Friday!<br />TRB steers away from the dreaded “busiest day in retail” this week, but still takes time to address more stupid topics, like those customers that love regurgitating their daily dose of CNN. <br />Also on this episode, a breakdown of the corporate “contests”, and I attempt to rationalize projected sales vs. payroll!<br />All while broadcasting from the depths of retail hell! (So excuse the background noise).<br />Enjoy, leave a review, and destroy if necessary!</p>
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Want to hear the most annoying sound in retail?
<p>If you have chronic headaches from computer beeps and stupid questions, then your good friend The Ranty Bastard offers up this week’s show as the cure! <br />A little more Black Thursday/Friday in this episode, plus what really pisses TRB off about the whole Starbucks red cups pseudo-controversy. <br />Lots of shout-outs to listeners and fans, a fair amount of profanity laced retail perspective, all presented to you on the 25th episode!<br />And as always, enjoy, leave a review, and destroy if necessary!</p>
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It’s Thanksgiving, Not Black Thursday!
<p>Yes my retail brethren, it is time to start discussing our most hated time of year - the dreaded “Black Friday”.<br />From shopping stampedes and ridiculous hours, to campers and non-parking idiots, it’s all in this week’s episode<br />of The Retail Rant podcast.<br />Subscribe on iTunes for all you Apple people.<br />Subscribe on the Satchel player app if Android is your thing.<br />But either way, enjoy, leave a review, and destroy if necessary!</p>
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Ring Ring! Stupid Calling!
<p>People on the phone can be the worst! If you agree, you’ll love this episode of The Retail Rant!</p> <p>Join TRB (The Ranty Bastard) as he discusses this and getting past the Halloween “preseason” of the holidays.</p> <p>Enjoy, leave a review, destroy if necessary!</p> <p>And be sure to follow on Twitter @The_Retail_Rant!</p>
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The “Help”
<p>With the holidays right around the corner, it’s time for the corporate directive to execute order 66 (which really means hire anyone with a heartbeat).</p> <p>A shorter show this week where your friend in retail hell, The Ranty Bastard, will discuss and dissect the few advantages and many disadvantages of hiring “holiday help”. And if you just can’t get enough of TRB, check out my guest spot on Couch Party this week.</p> <p>Enjoy both shows this week, and as always, leave a review and destroy if necessary!</p>
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Scam-A-Lot
<p>This week The Retail Rant turns 21!</p> <p>Listen as your friend, The Ranty Bastard, discusses professional thieves that help themselves to our </p> <p>products and manage to turn it into rent money! Also a brief discourse about those customers that </p> <p>always want to touch us (vomits in mouth a little).</p> <p>So take delight in the beer burps, the shameless promotion of a new favorite beer, and the profanity associated</p> <p>with being a retail slave.</p> <p>A big thanks to both the Couch Party and Drunken Dork guys for their “inspiration” this week.</p> <p>And as always, enjoy, leave that 5 star review, and destroy if necessary!</p>
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The Legend
<p>Enjoy this week’s show with Randy (@mretailslave) from the Miserable Retail Slave Show!</p> <p>We riff and discuss our trials and tribulations from our time in retail hell.</p> <p>Check out his show after this one, and continue to support The Legend and The Ranty Bastard!</p> <p>Enjoy, leave a revoew (for his show too), and destroy if necessary!</p>
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Smart cards, dumb users
<p>The dreaded “chip card” kicks off this week - and it is due to become yet another pain in our collective ass.</p> <p>This issue and others on this week’s episode of The Retail Rant!</p> <p>As always, enjoy, leave a (legit) review on iTunes, and destroy if necessary!</p>


The $15 Debate
<p>Tired of the Republican debates? The Ranty Bastard is!</p> <p>I promised this topic revisited to many of you, so here you go!</p> <p>Thanks to @worstBKever for taking time this week to discuss the proposed $15 an hour minimum wage for fast food workers. </p> <p>As always, enjoy, leave a review on iTunes, and destroy if necessary.</p>
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Wasting Away
<p>Sell more - the CEO needs a first class flight!</p> <p>And by the way, cut payroll by 20% but we need an extra $5000 in sales!</p> <p>This and more fine corporate logic on this week’s episode of The Retail Rant.</p> <p>Enjoy, leave an iTunes review, and destroy if necessary.</p>
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Lazy Is Not a Handicap
<p>Ever wanted to choke out that lazy co-worker?</p> <p>You just might do it after listening to this week’s episode!</p> <p>(I say don’t do it, but if you must…..)</p> <p>Enjoy, leave a review on iTunes, and destroy as necessary!</p> <p> </p>
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Of POGs and POSs
<p>Planograms, the death of the retail employee.</p> <p>Followed in a close second by customers who think they are a “celebrity”.</p> <p>Shorter episode this week so please forgive and listen.</p> <p>But regardless, enjoy, leave a review on iTunes, and destroy if necessary!</p> <p> </p>
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“Dear Customer”
<p>On this week’s episode of The Retail Rant Podcast, I welcome the author of “Dear Customer: Inside the World of Baristas, Upselling, and the Rules of Serving a Special Cup of Coffee”, Mr. Sean William Brown. We discuss his book, our mutual despise of customers, and talk about “customer service” in general. Also, we get the dish on his upcoming book, “Wal-Mart: I Don’t Belong Here”.</p> <p>If you’re not following him on Twitter (@SWilliamBrown33) or checking out his blog (thetallmanager.com) after this show, then there may be no hope for you. Unless you buy the book. Then you will be absolved. I mean come on, it’s only $4 in ebook or $10 in paperback. I know, we’re all broke ass retail workers, but it’s worth every penny!</p> <p>As always, enjoy, leave an review on iTunes, and destroy if necessary.</p> <p> </p> <p> </p>
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Retail Abuse
<p>Abused by a customer?</p> <p>Want to strike back?</p> <p>Flirty co-workers?</p> <p>We have it all this week on The Retail Rant!</p> <p>Enjoy, leave a review on iTunes, and destroy if necessary!</p>
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“We’re going to WAR!!!”
<p>Disgusting customers?</p> <p>Want to shoot yourself in a meeting?</p> <p>Then you’ll love this week’s episode of The Retail Rant podcast!</p> <p>Enjoy, leave a review on iTunes, and destroy if necessary!</p>
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